Friday, December 10, 2004


So I totally made the mistake of joining MySpace. I couldn't sleep on Sunday night, and for some bizarre reason, I thought that joining the other Friendster would be fun and maybe I'm meet some neat people. Within minutes of signing up, I was inundated by messages from people who clearly lack both a basic grasp of grammar and also a functional vocabulary. Yuck. I'm okay with the occasional "brb" in an IM conversation, but the whole "u r a hotttie" makes me gag. Rrrrrretch-style. So I amended my profile to say that I'm a grammar and English language snob who will not reply to any message that uses AOL-style acronyms, slangy abbreviations, vile misspellings or other grammatical errors. (It's true, I'm a written-language snob. But in all other capacities of my life, I am the anti-snob. I've got cheap tastes and even cheaper morals).

But my warnings didn't even make an impact! I'm still getting stooopid-ass nasty messages from idiots on MySpace. MySpace + Bex are not long for each other. I mean, here's the deal -- I know I'm not a 'hot girl' but I do think that I can be interesting and that I'm a fun person around with whom to hang. I can talk all night and I'm a pretty good dancer, albeit a somewhat limited one without any SUPERflashy moves; I only have semiflashy moves. And I give a mean backrub and I like to sing with heart and I'm good for the witty bon mot on occasion. But I know I'm not the 'hot girl' -- other people get to be the hot girl, and I get to be the kinda-funny-looking girl with the heart of gold and the star tattoos who talks backwards. No problemo. Tooootally fine with that. But apparently the imbeciles on MySpace think i'm some sort of 'hottttie." I get these incoherent messages raging about my appearance. They're not even printable in a fambly newspaper, so let's pretend that this is a fambly newspaper for the moment, shall we?

Why on earth would anyone write to a perfect stranger who professes an interest in quantum physics with a message like, "yo sexy wanna lik yr booty and suck your tits." As if that's the way to my heart? Who thinks that way? It's like Friendster was where I met some interesting people who had valid things to discuss and nice things to say, and MySpace is for icky gross people? MySpace = Skevester.

Anyhoo. Enough ranting. I just read through a whole bunch of messages and I feel physically dirty, and not in a fun-I-just-went-mudsliding type of way. Onwards, to the gym, and then to Pete's to see Tim Howard, who now performs as Soltero. Like Tim Howard is to Soltero as John Darnielle is to The Mountain Goats.
Tim Howard:Soltero :: John Darnielle:The Mountain Goats

Q: Hey, guess what's coming to VH1 in January?
A: I Love the 90s Part Deux

Q: When can I see Bex on VH1 soon?
A: Currently airing: Awesomely Bad Songs of 04. Coming December 19th: Britney Spears' Shocking Moments. Coming January 5th: Fab Life of Celebrity Babies. Coming this winter: Awesomely Bad Career Moves, Wacky Celeb Families, Awesomely Bad #1 Songs Ever, Celeb Showdown #2.


TGV said...

I hear ya on both the grammar and MySpace fronts:

See ya!

p.s. You won't be too pissed about those two "ya"s, will ya? Oh, damn.

Anonymous said...

The things one does when one lacks sleep...

I've only been in the MySpace fold for a couple days, and I honestly don't see the attraction to it yet. All my friends are ranting and raving like lunatics about it. But then again, some of them ARE lunatics.

The best advice I can give is to hang in there, keep a large stick by the computer to beat back the children, and get some sleep.

--I'm not Anonymous, I'm Robert from!

Esther Kustanowitz said...

"I amended my profile to say that I'm a grammar and English language snob who will not reply to any message that uses AOL-style acronyms, slangy abbreviations, vile misspellings or other grammatical errors."

Oh, honey. I'm so proud, I could plotz.


Anonymous said...

You talk backwards?! God Almighty is that hott, YES with two "T"s! Because that makes it doubly better (Mr. Conrad taught me that... cause a name like Leggatt is quadruply better than anything else)!

Ok... back to the creepy shadows from whence I came... sorry... really... I am....

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