Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Health Care Reform, Out of Sync

If you watch the local news (as I do) in NYC, you're being bombarded with pro- and anti-Spitzer health care reform ads. They're all annoying. And only serve to make Spitzer seem like a detestable douche, and I'd like to like him because I met him before a Bruce Springsteen concert and he was quite affable and really likes The Boss, as do I.

But there's this spot that runs ALL THE TIME, and it makes me insane because it's a spot where people are singing and THEIR LIPS DO NOT SYNC. Are you kidding me? Do you think we won't notice that you slapped this together and didn't even bother to sync your shots? Cardinal rule of television spots -- anything out of sync makes the audience ONLY FOCUS ON THE LACK OF SYNC and completely disregard whatever you're telling them. So whenever I see this, all I can think is: their lips don't sync, their lips don't sync, their lips don't sync, their lips don't sync. Eliot who health care what?

Vote for the Worst

I am mildly obsessed with Vote for the Worst. If you live under a rock or you don't watch TV (GASP!), it's a website that chooses the worst American Idol contestant and urges the good people of Amerika to vote for the, um, worst. It's apparently why Sanjaya is still around. And, I tell you, I think it's just fantastic. I love subversion. And I love democracy. But mostly, I love subverting democracy. American Idol gives YOU the right to choose who becomes a wannabe superstar -- why not choose the durstest possible contestant, because what a laugh we'll all share?

A veritable chortlefall of hilarity.

So, I say: do it! Vote for the worst for American Idol. Just don't do it for American Government and other Electable Positions, because that would suck, hard. Like a Dyson. Hard-sucking.

Monday, March 26, 2007

This is me from Yesterday

I had a bad day (shut up, Daniel Powter). I was totally this cat.

Thank you, I can has cheezburger. You express myself when even words fail.

My mom said I should pour myself a glass of wine, but I had no wine. So I drank sparkling water instead, which is my poison of choice. Mandarin Orange Sparkling Poland Spring. It's replaced Diet Coke in my pantheon of drink awesomeness.

The Only Thing That Makes Life Worth Living after that OFFENSIVELY HORRIBLE Battlestar Galactica Finale

The Space Camp Song:

Frak Me, Battlestar Galactica

We are unbearable disappointed by the season finale of Battlestar Galactica. So let down, in fact, that we launched a website: Frak Galactica.

If secret cylons are built to suddenly become self-aware when they hear "All Along the Watchtower," does that mean that every time Number 6 talks about god, she's talking about Bob Dylan?

Thursday, March 22, 2007

If I Had Written and Performed the Lyrics to Chicago Hope, Starring Mandy Patinkin and Adam Arkin

It would have been deeply earnest and it would have sounded JUST LIKE THIS:

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Watch Acceptable TV

I have been promoting this show ( Acceptable TV on VH1) for 9 kabillion years. Please please please watch it.

I Am SO Going To Wear a Baby Seal Hat to the Aquarium, Just So A Polar Bear Might Eat My Head

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Over on Oomph

I've been blogging about tasty tv (namely: VH1's "The Agency" and "Australia's Next Top Australian Model" and AI's Chris Sligh) over on my Oomph blog.

Pondering Attendance at the Upcoming Robyn Hitchcock

BEX: by chance are you a robyn hitchcock fan?

JOSH: i always felt like i should get into him, but never have. he's like pokemon like that

BEX: i'm trying to think of who my robyn hitchcock is: spoon?

JOSH: pokemon

BEX: cat power. cat power is my robyn hitchcock

BEX: In a way, each of us has a Robyn Hitchcock to face. For some, shyness might be their Robyn Hitchcock . For others, a lack of education might be their Robyn Hitchcock. For us, Robyn Hitchcock is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Bex, the people of Josh can conquer their own personal Robyn Hitchcock , who also happens to be *the actual* Robyn Hitchcock !

Monday, March 19, 2007

The Gr-8-est, the all time Gr-8-est

When I went to Jew Camp, one's friends would sometimes write upon one's Shabbat-o-grams, "You're gr-8!"

I always thought this meant: "you're grade 8!"

But, lo, it meant, "you're great!"

And this is the GREATEST OF ALL TIME!
From I can has cheezburger, the world's best website, as suggested to me by Rich FourFour.

Image via geniusness.

I often feel like this:
Noooo! They be stealing my bucket!

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I am So Mean to Heather (Mucca) Mills

My friend Mario says this is the crowning achievement in my career (which is why he posted it on the internets). It's me being snide about Heather Mills, on the VH1 show "Celeb Showdown 3."

Sorry, Heather. It's nothing personal. I just loves me some Paul McCartney.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Meow Meow, Meow Meow

I am TOTALLY 100% crazy-talk clinically obsessed with Rap Cat.

Click here to hear him rap, awesome-stillz.

Meow meow meow, meow meow meow.

Hooray for the Boys in the Band

Yay, yay, oh, yay.

Monday, March 12, 2007

A Public Service Announcement

... From the Crystal Cave of my Heart

(photo awesomeness from my friend Chaz).

A Hearty Mazel Tov to R.E.M. On the Evening of their Induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

To celebrate, I give you a page from the book "Reveal: the Story of R.E.M." by Johnny Black.

Look, he calls me a music critic! And a man! I ain't no Mister, Mister. (Kyrie Eliason!)

Hooray for R.E.M.
They are my longest-running all-time fave-rave band and also extreme citizens of Awesomeland.

Also: to all my people -- find the river, yo. Find the river.

Monday, March 05, 2007

In Case You've Ever Wondered ...

In case you've ever wondered what "Belle" from Beauty and the Beast would sound like in Hebrew: this here's your lucky day:

Thursday, March 01, 2007

All The Internal Video Content from Children of Men

DON'T CLICK HERE if you haven't seen the movie! Check it -- it's all the ads and videos you saw so fleetingly in Children of Men. This compilation makes me super happy and SUPER ENRAGED that C.o.M. was robbed -- ROBBED -- at the Oscars. Most of the advertisements and video screens pass by too quickly for one to see, so the nice people who made all that intriguing "internal video content," as I like to call it, put together a handy-dandy compilation. Amazing. I saw it twice and I never caught the GAP-esque clothes-for-pets ads on the buses. Brilliant. If you don't have babies, of course you'd spend your hard-earned cash on dressing your dog and cat in expensive luxury clothes. I also never caught the bus ad for "Niagra: the ultimate climax."

Garrr, I love that movie so much. Garr, garr, garrr.

So does this person, who cut the whole film into a short little nugget arguing why C.o.M. should be nominated for an Oscar for Best Picture. It wasn't. I'm still angry. And disappointed. DO NOT WATCH THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE: