Hey, Punkin

glowing punkins, originally uploaded by starbexxx.

We fled the city, choosing to carve punkins and drink cider instead of running amok across Manhattan, in search of the Best Halloween Party Ever.

Fleeing was a good choice.

My boyf's pumpkin is on the left. Mine is on the right -- it vaguely resembles Crazy Eddie, n'est-ce pas?

And speaking of crazy -- so, dig: I hadn't carved a pumpkin in years and years. And when I was kid, we always got the smaller pumpkins -- the ones that cost 3 bucks, max. I always got the round ones and my brother would get the tall ones -- I like Ernies, he likes Berts. But this was my first grown-up pumpkin to carve, and so I got a very big, way-more-that-3-bucks pumpkin.

And when I was a kid, I faintly recalled that pumpkin-carving always made my hands feel funny. But the tingle was always short-lived and it never really bothered me enough to mention. But this time!!! Carving a ginormous pumpkin?? INTERROBANG! Whilst scraping out the goo and seeds, I noticed that my hands started to feel like they were burning. But I kept going, diligent pumpkin-carver that I am. And my arms were plunged into the pumpkin up to my elbows. And I scraped and scooped and did all sorts of innards-removal and then I realized my hands were REALLY burning. So I washed off the goo, and I had nasty hive thingies all over my wrists! And I eat pumpkin soup all the time, so it can't be that I'm allergic to pumpkin; it must be some sort of contact dermatitis with pumpkin or something.

Has anyone else ever experienced pumpkin burn? Because holy shiznit, it SUCKS. And I am I totally weird? Is pumpkin goo my personal kryptonite? My gourdriffic Achilles heel?

Please, I beg of you: tell me I'm not alone.

Sucide Mistaken for Halloween Decoration

This is the nonstopfreakydeakyest story of the day. A woman in Delaware committed suicide by hanging herself from a tree, and her neighbors all assumed her corpse was a Halloween decoration.

Now, was this suicide foreplanned so as to freak out the kids in her neighborhood who would eventually go up for a closer look at what they thought was a really well-done yard decoration? Like: "I'll get those nasty kids, the ones who rip up my flowerbeds and egg my windows, once and for all! Bwa ha ha ha!"

Or was she so distraught and miserable and depressed that she simply had to take her own life, and she didn't even realize it was Halloween?

Or did she just not realize that Halloween-in-America means faux bodies hanging from trees?

(Note: if you bought this hanging body, could you get it to clap during the "Knights of the Round Table" number?)


Someone call CSI. This is TOTALLY next year's Halloween episode.

I Totally Thought I was Halluncinamating

Wow. So, last night, after spending the day whimpering and moaning because of my case of acute monster eye (it's much better today, thanks for asking, although I still look either hung- or dopedover. But I'm not. Just a sad, swollen-eyed allergy-sufferer)

Note: is a swollen-eyed girl the opposite of a sunken-eyed girl?. Rumor has it that a certain someone is going to rock my office later this afternoon. Woot!

... so last night, all of a sudden, my apartment smelled like maple syrup! Or, rather, more like the maple-syrup-esque odor of Waffle Crisp (note: this WHOLE WEBSITE is about breakfast cereal. Whoa.) Now, waffle crisp isn't a bad odor -- it's just an all-pervasively-mapleriffic scent. And everywhere I went -- my bedroom, the bathroom, the living room -- everywhere, it smelled like Waffle Crisp (except the kitchen, which always smells faintly of the kitty box). And I thought maybe it was me, and I sniffed myself, and even I smelled like Waffle Crisp.

So I thought I was surely hallucinating. I thought, gee, I'm taking some new allergy medications, and a gallon of eyedrops, and maybe the drugs+eyedrops+Bex combo smells like Waffle Crisp.

But, I was not hallucinating!!!!!

Lots of people smelled Waffle Crisp!

Dear me. An entire city smelled maple syrup, and I bet there are other people out there who thought they were the only ones experiencing Waffle Crisp flashbacks in their brains. But it was real!

Unless ... unless we were all undergoing a collective hallucination, like in So Long, And Thanks for All The Fish, when the destruction of Planet Earth is explained to the public (now living on a replacement Earth) as mass hallucinations:

``Come on, you remember all that stuff. The hallucinations. Everyone said it was a cock up, the CIA trying experiments into drug warfare or something. Some crackpot theory that instead of invading a country it would be much cheaper and more effective to make everyone think they'd been invaded.''

``What hallucinations were those exactly ...?'' said Arthur in a rather quiet voice.

``What do you mean, what hallucinations? I'm talking about all that stuff with the big yellow ships, everyone going crazy and saying we're going to die, and then pop, they vanished as the effect wore off. The CIA denied it which meant it must be true.''

Mass-maple-syrup-smelling as CIA coverup?

Oh boy! Crazy crackpot conspiracists -- get your guns!

Monster Monster Monster EYE!

I look like a monster -- just in time to be a Halloweenie -- because both of my eyes are swollen and horrifying. It's quite dreadful.

I am not a happy camper.

I just wanted to share.

Here, this is funny: (courtesy of Josh)
Q: How do you titillate an ocelot?
A: You oscillate its tit alot!

BWW HA HA HA HA HA!

Apparently, I am Involuntarily In a Costume Contest

Yes, indeed, my cyberfriend Nate of the Apiary, has entered a photo of me from last Halloween (dressed as Jessica Rabbit) in his Apiary Costume Contest. Who knew?

Thanks, Nate, for bringing up memories of last year's drunken Halloweening.

Do the Urkel

We went to my old pal Liam's show last night -- it's called "Tell Your Friends" and it's every Monday at 8 at Lolita and you should go, especially because mojitos are cheap during happy hour.

Last Friday, I was working all night and my brain started to hurt so I momentarily distracted myself with an IM conversation with Liam. I present it in its entirety because it makes me happy. Pretend you're reading a screenplay or something.

Bex: i met rue mclanahan the other day, she was doing v/o at the audio house i was at
Liam: Are you shitting me?
Bex: for reals
Liam: You met Blanche Golden?
Bex: her skin looks like cardboard
Bex: the one and only blanche elizabeth devereaux
Liam: Really. She looks like she takes great care of herself
Bex: she does, i'm sure
Bex: but she be old
Bex: and liver spotted
Bex: with makeup, i'm sure she's smoking
Liam: You are an honorary gay man
Bex: i have been, ever since i launched Logo
Bex: and because i like sucking cock
Bex: hey-o!
Liam: Hey-O!
Liam: She was the slutty Golden Girl
Bex: she was the BEST golden girl
Liam: I always like Bea Arthur
Liam: To me, a little bea is never a bad thing
Bex: or her penis
Liam: She was the original Yenta the Matchmaker
Bex: she's a goddess, that one
Liam: Now played by Rosie O'Donnel on broadway
Bex: do you remember when she and urkel did the urkel?
Bex: on that awards show, in like 91?
Liam: I never followed Family Matters
Liam: No
Bex: it was the opening number
Liam: Jesus
Liam: Poor Bea Arthur
Bex: and they were singing "do the urkel, do the ur ur ur ur ur kel" and urkel and everyone was doing the urkel
Bex: and bea said, "but i don't wanna do the Urkel"
Bex: it was breath-taking
Liam: But she ended up doing the Urkel, didn't she?
Bex: sigh
Bex: i believe she did
Bex: at long last
Liam: Bex
Liam: There will come a day when we will all do the Urkel in one form or another
Liam: It's showbusiness
Bex: BUT I DON"T WANNA DO THE URKEL!

It's like Mike Doughty sometimes sings: "I don't need to walk around with Urkel."
And yet, we will all, in one way or another, end up doing the Urkel.

Mike Rocks the Mic

mikemic, originally uploaded by starbexxx.

Oh, such joy and rapture. We went to see my faveywaveyest rock star, Mike Doughty last night, and the show was kickawesome.

Now THAT's what I'm rockin' about.

We had superspecial vippy seats up in the balcony, where we got to watch both the show and also the audience rocking out (except for the imbeciles who insisted on chatting loudly throughout Mike's solo-sans-band numbers. Poop on them).

And, alas, there was no "Janine" and no "The Only Answer" but we were treated to nearly every track from Haughty Melodic and an awwwwesome "True Dreams of Wichita" (during which I tried to initiate the boo into the "you had it but you sold it" moment) and a Paradise City / The Gambler mashup of epic proportions, as well as an extended version of "Firetruck" all curled up into "It's Raining Men."

I heart Mike Doughty always 'n' forever.

Oh, man.

10 photos of Senor Doughty rocking Webster Hall, as taken by little ol' me, can be found right here.

Teaching the Aliens to Snark

... because I'm not content with preaching only to VH1 viewers ...

Slate Takes on the 'Dooch

Slate has a really great article today about "Breaking Bonaduce," in which the reporter reveals that she (grudgingly) finds the show compelling.

Whoop de hoo! Personally, I think it's fracking hot that she compares "Breaking Bonaduce" to "Network:"
With VH1's new series Breaking Bonaduce (Sundays at 10 p.m. ET with multiple re-airings throughout the week), reality televison approaches the nadir foretold by the 1976 film Network: It attempts to garner an audience with the dangled promise of an on-air suicide.

And, yes, we've been dangling that promise since we started promoting this show way back in August, after I shot Danny and Gretchen and learned all about their bologna-covered ratdog.

Holy shit, I've turned into Diana Christensen and I didn't even realized it until Slate told me so.

Smoosh vs. The Anti Smoosh

This is Smoosh,, an awesome grrrrl-band we saw rock the Bowery a few months ago. (Photo by the inimitable Ryan Schierling.) Smoosh is Aysa and Chloe, two sisters from Seattle. They're a critically acclaimed pop duo who are sweet and cute and smart and sassy and are totally using their adorableness to spread the power of good. HAIL SMOOSH!

This is the Anti-Smoosh. They're called "Prussian Blue" and they're on a mission to use their blondhaired/blue-eyedness to spread the message of evil.. Please note that ABC named their jpeg "Nazi Twins." To further illustrate their evil, I offer this snippet from an interview in Vice about their name:

Interviewer: "Please tell me the significance of the name Prussian Blue."
Nazi Twins: "Part of our heritage is Prussian German. Also our eyes are blue, and Prussian Blue is just a really pretty color. There is also the discussion of the lack of "Prussian Blue" coloring (Zyklon B residue) in the so-called gas chambers in the concentration camps. We think it might make people question some of the inaccuracies of the "Holocaust" myth."

ACK! Scary, scary folksinging Nazi twins! Aaaack!
NO HEILS TO PRUSSIAN BLUE!

Liveblogging Madonna on Letterman

She's no longer British!

Pip pip fwa fwa.

In other news, my hair is now long enough to be styled into two low ponytails, a la the ladies from The Magic Garden.

Czech Car Web Star

So Mike Doughty named his latest album "Haughty Melodic," which is both an anagram for his name AND a fantabulous name for an album. I anagrammed my full name (yes, it's Rebecca) and tried to find something suitable to name something, and I came up with Czech Car Web Star. (or perhaps Scab Craze Wretch) (or Zebras Catch Crew).

This post is relevant only because I am so extremely stoked to see Mr. Mike ROCK the Webster Hall on Saturday with his merry band of cylons.

Someone Who Is Not Me Put My 80s 3d Spot (with the Delorean) Online

Oh, yes indeed, it's online. And low-rez. And I didn't post it, so don't no one yell at me, yo.

Holy Shit ............ the Camera Toss!

Flickr: Photos tagged with cameratoss

This is how it works -- set your digicam for a long exposure and take a picture; while the photo is snapping, toss the digicam in the air. And you get magic!!

Here is camera-tossing the blog, and here's the scoop from the flickr group:

DEFINING A CAMERA TOSS (and some tips)

- Hands free. Your hands may not be on the camera during the majority of the exposure. Most often that means throwing it. Toss is about fluidity, not just jostling your camera about.
- Experimenting with timers and remote triggers highlly encouraged.

- Good catching skills or construction of camera crash nets/pads/bungees/shells highly suggested for high dollar cameras.

Oh man, just check the photostream.

This is the BEST Idea for A Birthday EVER!

HOLY MOSES, Gothamist has the best idea for a birfday EVER. And to think, I still haven't celebrated the big two-seven ... hmmmm......

CNN Writes the Headlines that Make the Whole World Snicker

They wrote it, not me: "Nut-cracking gorilla surprises scientists."

Snicker, snicker. Snort, snort.

Like she jumped out of a supply closet with a cock ring and a riding crop?

Chortle, chortle.

Also ... Hey, CNN: slow news day? If this is your fracking lead story????!!! Interobang!!!

A cup of tea, a Bex, and a good lie down

Some Enchanted Evening, originally uploaded by starbexxx.

See, see! See what I have won from ebay! What a perfect evening this program promises -- I can think of nothing better than a cup of tea, a good lie down and me.

The question, of course, is what do I do with this?
Perhaps if I ever become an escort, I could use it as my ad in the back of the Village Voice.

I'm trying to figure out what "A cup of tea, a Bex, and a good lie down" means.

Apparently, Phillip Adams, a broadcaster, film-maker and writer claimed that Australia was "built on a cup of tea, a Bex, and a good lie-down."

Ah-ha! It's oldfangled dinkum Australian slang, the Aussie equivalent of "Take a chill pill." Check it:
Language is dynamic and consequently expressions that are widely accepted and commonplace for one generation will disappear when circumstances change. No one today talks about "a cup of tea, a Bex and a good lie down" partly because Bex (a form of powdered aspirin) does not enjoy the popularity it did in the 1950s.

See? They used to prescribe Bex as a cure for "nervous tension". Teehee. That's a silly, silly idea. I cause nervous tension, I don't alleviate it.

And, oh no! The Bex-taking Aussie ladies developed kidney failure!

Oh, dear. Perhaps that explains why I was so unpopular in grade school.

My Superfriend Joel Wants to do Nasty Things to this Coquettish Little Pony

GOLLY WEE WHILLIKERS! I can hardly believe it, but my ol' buddypal Joel is now the Informative, Authoritative Spokesperson for Motorola's Approach to Marketing what-the-Europeans-Call-"3G," even-though-once-they-called-it-W.A.P. and-once-they-called-it-UMTS

Don't believe me? En garde! The gauntlet is thrown! I met Joel in London but now he lives in Paris, so he's a theaterguy (ask him about "performing the world") and a sometimes media guy and an academic guy (photography and performance) Parisian with a Yorkshire accent. And he was telling us how he shot this thing for Motorola as the face of 3G. But he hadn't seen the final product yet. So we went to Motorola's webhome and discovered -- lo, and behold. Joel is totally Motorola's version of our 80s 3D "Hologram Guide" character. Please behold Joel's reign of Informative Authoritarian Face-of-3G Awesomeness. Make sure you click through all the options and listen to his very detailed spiel. And take the quiz! Especially if you answer incorrectly; he'll admonish you.

We took Joel's quiz, and then we took Kirk Cameron's quiz about god. We leaned an awful lot, particularly the fact that Kirk Cameron's god sure sounds like a real nasty sonofabitch. And we also realized Kirk must be an awesome proselytizer, because really, who's not going to let Mike Seaver into his or her home?

This photo features Mr. 3G Himself leering lasciviously at our engineer's My Little Pony.

joel loves the pony, originally uploaded by starbexxx.

We were struck dumb by how sexy this late-model My Little Pony is. Such widespread anime eyes! Such alluring curves! Such ... muscle definition and Yoga-esque tone?

Wait ... we all recalled the ponies of our youth ... the pleasantly plump, cutesypoo original ponies. And without warning, they evolved into new, sexysexy, supermodel, heroin chic ponies! Ack!

And, oh, how this new pony is such a sassy, little flirt!

And we are not the first to note the sexysexy aspect of the new My Little Ponies. The fineminded Lore Sjöberg from a website called "The Brunching Shuttlecocks"" offers the Porn Star or My Little Pony? quiz.

I took the quiz and failed, miserably. Mortifyingly wrong, considering a unicorn pony named Moondancer was once a cherished possession. Oh, Moondancer. How I miss you and all the fun times we shared, pretending to ride over rainbows with Pinky Jr., the gray kitty, and Rust, the teenytiny bunny.

John Vanderslice, Hooray Hooray!

Some live-action photos of John V-slicing Southpaw:

Hand-Non-Eating Bear and Phantom Ms. Dick Tracy

Hand-Eating Bear and Phantom Ms. Dick Tracy, originally uploaded by starbexxx.

Josh and I went to slay electronic elk, and on the way to a therapeutic session of Big Buck Hunter we passed a thrift store. This was the window display: apparently, it's a mannequin dressed as Ms. Dick Tracy meets the Phantom of the Opera, and a Bear. A bear who eats bodies but not hands. Please note the disembodied hand in the lower right quadrant of this photo. Why has this thrift shop chosen to display its wares in such a way? What is the story of this shopwindow? Who wants to write the winning caption in the comments section? Let 'er rip.

Gary Benchley, Rock Star

So I read Gary Benchley's columns when they were serialized in the morning news and I thought they were breathtakingly astounding. If you, or anyone you know, has ever
a) lived in Williamsburg
b) been in an NYC rockband
c) been an early-twentysomething in NYC
then Gary's life could be your own.

I devoured his columns like a weasel devours a three-legged chicken.

And now, there's a book!

And now, the truth is out -- Gary Benchley is none other than superawesome guy Paul Ford! He discloses the truth right over here.

And now I can disclose that Paul Ford is good friends with my friend Steve. Steve once accompanied me to one of my post-Nipplegate reaction breast-puppet shows. And that, friends,that is the reason why, on page 22, you will find Gary's account of going to Galapagos and seeing a woman do a breast-puppet show.

You can also read Gary's Galapagos adventure in the fourth installment of the serialized Letters of Gary Benchley right here. To entice you, please read Gary's Galapagos description -- it's one of the most awesomely simple/complex analyses of the WB scene I know:

There is a bar called Galapagos, which is also an art and performance space, and when you walk in there’s a large black reflecting pool surrounded by a rail. At first the pool looks incredibly deep, almost bottomless, but it is actually shallow, and you can see your reflection in it. It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. To me, that pool is Williamsburg.

But the book! The whole fucking book is like that! It's SO FUCKING AWESOME RAD, it is my doubleplus number one recommendation.

I also highly recommend Harvey Danger's new album, "Little by Little." You can, in this want-it-for-free-RIGHT-NOW age, download it for free right over here. Zug? Sputter sputter what? For FREE? Yes. Read why right here. The album's stellar; Sean Nelson and his cronies created some topnotch stuff. Peppy pop, solid melodies, swirly harmonies. I disagree with their current choice of single but I wholeheartedly endorse this album.

And speaking even more of rock stars, my favoritest rock star and buddy Mike Doughty is rocking NYC on the 22nd and I'm fracking stoked. Especially because I am now immortalized on his blog for revealing that Captain Adama survives Boomer/Sharon's attempt on his life at the end of season 1 of Balactica.

Woohoo! John Vanderslice! Woohoo!

I'm going to see the fantastic John Vanderslice tonight. His new album is so fucking perfect. You can download some fantastic mp3s right here. And if you already have his new album, Pixel Revolt, be sure to check out the user's guide. Ah, the V-slice. The only person I know to invoke "Dance Dance Revolution" in a song. Awwwwwesome.

In other NYC-centric news, our mindboggling hologram for I love the 80s 3d is still at Regal Cinema (13th and Broadway) but now it's on the 1st floor, right next to the ATM machine, so you don't have to buy a ticket to see it. Free entertainment in NYC! How fantabulous!

I Get My Kicks Above the Waistline, Sunshine

Friends... today I'd like to do you all a public service announcement and share with you the lyrics to Murray Head's hit single from the musical Chess: "One Night in Bangkok."

Why? Because you ought to know them. And also because "Bangkok" is TOTALLY the funniest name of a city ever, beating out even Sheboygan and Poughkeepsie. Bank-cock? Sounds good to me! And mostly because I simply cannot believe this song was such a huge hit (and my officemate has it as her ringtone) and I think we should all adore this song for all its seedy absurdity:

ONE NIGHT IN BANGKOK (click here to listen to the song -- you're going to need to skip past the first minute or so of vaguely offensive "Thai" music until you get to the actual song ... but it's worth it. Oh, it is sooooo worth it.)

THE AMERICAN:
Bangkok, Oriental setting
And the city don't know that the city is getting
The creme de la creme of the chess world in a
Show with everything but Yul Brynner

Time flies - doesn't seem a minute
Since the Tirolean spa had the chess boys in it
All change - don't you know that when you
Play at this level there's no ordinary venue

It's Iceland... or the Philippines... or Hastings... or... or this place!

COMPANY:
One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster
The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free
You'll find a god in every golden cloister
And if you're lucky then the god's a she
I can feel an angel sliding up to me

THE AMERICAN:
One town's very like another
When your head's down over your pieces, brother

COMPANY:
It's a drag, it's a bore, it's really such a pity
To be looking at the board, not looking at the city

THE AMERICAN:
Whaddya mean? Ya seen one crowded, polluted, stinking town...

COMPANY:
Tea, girls, warm, sweet, sweet
Some are set up in the Somerset Maugham suite

THE AMERICAN:
Get Thai'd! You're talking to a tourist
Whose every move's among the purest
I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine

COMPANY:
One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company
I can feel the devil walking next to me

THE AMERICAN:
Siam's gonna be the witness
To the ultimate test of cerebral fitness
This grips me more than would a
Muddy old river or reclining Buddha

And thank God I'm only watching the game, controlling it

I don't see you guys rating
The kind of mate I'm contemplating
I'd let you watch, I would invite you
But the queens we use would not excite you

So you better go back to your bars, your temples, your massage parlours

COMPANY:
One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster
The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free
You'll find a god in every golden cloister
A little flesh, a little history
I can feel an angel sliding up to me

One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company
I can feel the devil walking next to me


And thus concludes my public service for October 12, 2005.

Pirate in a Box!

Oh my lord. It's my one-time ringtone "Wig in a Box" from Hedwig, as sung by a pirate!

Thanks to His Royal Thighness for the heads up.

Make Your Stand

Oh, brother! My roomie and I just (re)watched The Stand (the miniseries) and it is such a doozy. Despite having one of the worst endings of all time (the hand of god? bite me!), the whole shebang is really worth watching again, especially if you haven't seen it since you were 13. Or if the first time you watched it, you weren't really scared of biological warfare. When you watch it this time around, it's a fuckload scarier. And I will never, ever walk through the Lincoln Tunnel because of it.

But, oh! Jamey Sheridan will always be Randall Flagg, no matter which L&O he's on! And Laura San Giacomo will never look as lovely as the white-haired Nadine. And, oh, to watch Molly Ringwald and Gary Sinise make out in what must be one of the most awkward makeout scenes ever to be captured on film, featuring two actors who clearly don't often make-out in front of cameras! And m-o-o-n spells Tom Cullen! And beautiful Rob Lowe who can't talk or speak, but he emotes homoeroticism so clearly!

And, oh, how one assumes that everyone who goes to Boulder is enlightened, and yet they still do what god tells them to do. Even though god soooo didn't tell Larry to carry that damned guitar all the way to Vegas. Stupid Larry. Even if he does rock out "Eve of Destruction" at the exactperfect moment. And still! Why does everyone travel in such impractical clothes? Jumpsuits, people, jumpsuits! With lots of pockets! Like, no doykies!


And Ruby Dee! As Mother Abigail! Who suffered through the worst makeup in the history of the miniseries. She looked like a turtle to me then, and she looks like a turtle to me now. It's the makeup. And the hunched shoulders/shawl combo that looks so much like a shell.

And, in a random note -- didja hear? Stephen King killed Lennon!

I spent the weekend curled up in a cozy cabin, watching movies.
Watch The Corporation! And you'll never drink milk (at least not in America) again!

Don't ever watch Sin City! Because you'll want those two hours of your life back! All the style in the world is no substitue for lack of substance. And Robert Rodriguez went all indie and left the guild for that??!! Interrobang!

Watch In the Mood for Love! If just to see the movie everyone else rips off.

And, for the love of all things awesome, please watch Network! Because it's so fucking prescient! And because no body has the ovaries to make a film like that anymore. And because everyone in it just shimmers with talent. And because, really, aren't you mad as hell and you're not going to take it anymore? Jesus fuck, I know I am.

REM Reunites at Dewitt Burton's Wedding!

Holy total kickawesomeradness... Berry, Buck, Mills and Stipe all played together this weekend for the first time since Bill left REM.

That musta been the best fucking wedding reception ever.

I am not in Miami. Did you (not) miss me?

My Gawker Stalking of James Denton is in Gawker, HUZZAH

Oh, the excitement. Not only did I see a Desperate Houseperson in a bar, but I gawker-stalked the spotting and it's in their round-up for the day.

Or you can just read it right here:
Thursday, 10/6 - we were at Scruffy Duffy's (not my choice! A going-away party for a colleague!), trying to drink away the pain of being in a sports bar surrounded by midtownies, and yet there, holding court right in the middle of the bar (so that everyone walking into the place had to walk right by him?) was none other than that handsome plumber dude from desperate housewives - James Denton. I only know his name because I watch ET at the gym and they're always interviewing him about whether his character is going to get it on with the anorexic formerly-Lois Lane lady. But he seemed very nice and was chatting with anyone who approached him. He put his hand on my back when I tried to squeeze through the crowd to make an escape from the Scruffy-ness and, I tell you, I felt a little tingly.

Miami ... Blue Day! Best Dope in the World ... And It's Free!

I actually know nothing about the dope in Miami, this post's title comes from the song "Miami" by the great Randy Newman. Actually, it's possible that he means that Miami itself is the best dope in the world ... I'm not sure. Because I've never been there.

But I'm going to Miami! For work! Can I get a whut whut?
And no, I'm not going jet-skiing with Diddy. I have to do a shoot.
Do I know anyone in Miami? Let me know if I do.

Desperately Seeking Freezy Freakies

Ahhhh, freezy freakies. Or were they freaky freezies? I am re-obsessed with them, because I'm cutting a spot for I Love the 80s 3D featuring the always-lovely-and-awesome Rachael Harris proclaiming, "I love my freezy freakies!" And I loved MY freezy freakies! And I want a pair SO FUCKING BADLY. Like, a totally non-Buddhist absolutely haunting deperation for material goods. And I've tried everywhere --ebay, calling vintage stores, all over the internets. And I can't find them. In particular, I want the pair with the rainbows and the castles on 'em -- I want girly freezy freakies, altho' these spaceship boy freezy freakies would almost suffice. Does anyone have secret 411 on a hidden stash of freezy freakies, left over from the 80s? Please please please please?

Man! I am jonesing for some freezy freakies, much like the way a junkie might jones for smack.

Wait ... so the founders of the Hanso Foundation (the Degroots?) are TOTALLY the Others???

You might also like to learn that the numbers may be interpreted as gps coordinates and that The Hanso Foundation has a website.

Oh Boy! Our Hologram is Up and Running (running like the wind)

3d-kiosk-with-screen, originally uploaded by starbexxx.

So we've been working for aaaaaages on this holographic kiosk of radness for I Love the 80s 3D, and it's finally up and running in theaters NEAR YOU! Okay, I don't know if it's near you, but if you live in NYC, check it out on the 2nd floor of the Regal Cinema in Union Square. Its a throwback to EPCOT-y 80s science-driven 3D wonderland preshow informational presentations ... starring both a Holographic Guide and a "sentient spheroid with a heart of gold and a head full of lead!"

Teehee.

TomKat Spawns???!!!

Wait... does this mean he really, like, put his penis in her vagina?

No way.

Jane Fonda and Alexis Arquette ... Separated at Birth?

Separated at Birth?

So there I was, watching myself looking fat and ugly on Awesomely Bad Celeb Fashion (look, it was on at the gym, ok?), and during a segment about the muumuu, it struck me. There, at the Monster in Law premiere, was Randy Quaid wearing a muumuu. And there, right above him, was Alexis Arquette glowering out from the movie poster. Except -- it wasn't Alexis Arquette! It was Jane Fonda!

At least, that's what it looked like at the gym. Maybe one's brain gets mushy when one ellipticals for too long.

This Remixed Trailer for "West Side Story" Will Kill Your Brother

Constant reader Ian hipped me to this new remixtrailer for West Side Story. Like the one for The Shining, but scary.

OH BOY, IT's OFFICIAL! TRADER JOE's WILL ROCK U-SQUARE!

I've been tracking this wondierfous development for months now. And it's true Trader Joe's is coming! Trader Joe's is coming to New York! To Union Square! To take a bite out of the Whole Foods foodopoly! And to bring organic and vegematarian nuggets of awesomeness to me in my very own home!

HIP HIP HOORAY
CALLOO CALLAY
TRADER JOE'S
HAS MADE MY DAY!

And, just like that, a near-paralyzing fear of boats returns to our heroine

As my longtime blogpanions know, I am terrified of boats. This horrible piece of news has just increased that phobia tenfold.

In less tragic news, I turned on "word verification" in my comments thingie because I am getting rammed with spam, and I don't mean that in a sexual way.