Thursday, November 18, 2004

Tootie food! Tootie food!

Ah, the shopping lists are the windows to the soul.

Specials thanks to The Grocery List Collection for providing Schwohnson with a much-needed release of giddyness this evening. After a lengthy discussion about the virtues of growing up and believing in Santa Claus and the despair of knowing Santa's never coming to one's house, we were still knee deep in the hooplah and the workload was showing no sign of decreasing.

By which I mean: we were ass-out with a schoolbus approaching.

Luckily, we started perusing grocery lists, and much to our delight, we found these two to be the winners.

Let us parse:

The writers of Tootie Food have apparently just obtained a kitten. Thus, they need a disposable litter box, and some kitten chow. Now, I think they already have a doggie named "Tootie," thus they clearly need some Tootie food (in addition to the newly-needed kitty chow). And to amuse their new kitten, they're buying a birdfood stick to feed the birds outside. And, they're going to be so busy with the kitten that they won't have time to make proper meals -- they're going to subsist on toaster scrambles and coffee drinks.

But, mostly I just like to say: TOOTIE FOOD! TOOTIE FOOD!

List #2
Here, we have an emphatic shopper. He's GOT that tomoa soup, damn it. And sweet Jesus, he finally got that much-coveted SPRAY. And the oil, thank goodess for the oil. What's left -- meat and eggs, two important staples for the non-Vegan. And French Toast -- i didn't even know one could buy premade French Toast! But, clearly, one can! And he's going to, oh yes, he is SO buying French Toast! And pudding. Who doesn't love pudding? Nobody doesn't love pudding (much like Sara Lee). Pudding is nectar of the gods. Creamy ambrosia to save us all. And finally, in the only brand-loyal entry, he's getting a Swiffer. Changing the way Amerika cleans floors! A Swiffer! So easy to use! No messy cleanup! Just dispose its head! No dirty water! More solid waste! Household products are so easy to use, you just throw 'em out when you're done! Woo!

Schwoo. I am spent.

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