Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Greetings, Intergalactic Interplanetary Internets Visitors!

Checkity check check it on out! Blog in Space has decided that my little speck of the internets is today's most-likely-to-be-contacted by interstellar internerds!

So, greetings and salutations, interplanetary visitors! I hope you have a Babelfish in your ear so you can understand English. Aussi, je parle francais mais je ne croix pas que vous le comprenez. V'gam, ani midaberet ivreet but I can't type in it.

Anyhoozinskis! On behalf of our humble little planet, I'm so sorry that we continously seem to use the power for evil instead of good. I'm sure you've been using nuclear fission and/or fusion for inter- and intra-galactic travel and curing disease and interesting ways to warp the time-space continuum to correct any horrible natural catastrophes, and we just haven't wrapped our feeble little minds around using the power for good. Yet. There's still hope. I live in a country called America, which is part of that big landmass with the little doohickey hanging off the south east coast (do you use directions the same way we do?) called Florida and the other little doohickey hanging off the south west coast called Baja California. America is theoretically a pretty swell place to live because we theoretically enjoy many freedoms, although practically shit is fucked up, yo. My country is currently involved in a war (you probably don't have those) based on false pretenses and selfish motivation. It's like if Mars attacked Venus because Mars wanted Venus' natural gases, and Mars lied about why it was attacking Venus, and then the Martians found out that there were more nefarious reasons for the attack on Venus but the Martian leader thought that he was right because of his Imaginary Friend named "God." It's kindasorta just like that. Right. So there's lots of similarly bad stuff happening all over this humble little planet, and people kill other people because they somehow believe that their specific Imaginary Friends named "God" are more real than other people's particular Imaginary Friends (who are also named "God," although in different languages), and there are wars and suicide bombings and hateful graffiti and physical assaults all because people on this planet seem compelled to assert the righteousness of their own Imaginary Friends. And we have poverty and hunger and disease and hate and some people are starving while some other people are paid to destroy their crops and still other people throw away millions of pounds of food each day because they're on diets. But we also have some fantastic things, like music. And sex. And diet coke. Wonder abounds! Please come visit us and teach us how to eradicate AIDS and cancer and heart disease. Or at least come and visit and indulge in a really great slice of pizza (with a diet coke). I'm quite sure that's worth the journey.


Anonymous said...

I do not grok--What mean "Anyhoozinskis"? Aussi bien que "doohickey"? Me had pizza one time on Uranus; place there called Ray's--Do you grok Ray's Famous Pizza? Mmhhh...Me like Diet Coke but only get Coke Zero now that soda distributirs on strike.

Anonymous said...

Could you ask them to stop kid napping our red necks? The tv show cops needs them.

The Paradox said...

Congrats, Bex !!!!

I can see why your blog would be most likely to be contacted by interstellar internerds.

I hope they contact you soon.