A Blast from the Very Past

Oh man, long ago, back in 2001, a few scant weeks before those towers came down, when I was sort of eating-disordery and there was nothing at all to worry about in the world, the Saint Reverend Jen and I appeared on an episode of Peter Bernard's show "Rools Like Ozzy" to promote Rev's show that I was directing, and we also discussed the amazing moment when we encountered Giuliani and accosted him about the unjust cabaret laws in NYC, because, back then (and now), Dance is Not a Crime.

Look - unfortunate fashion, hairstyle and makeup choices from back in 2001 are also not a crime, okay? So power up that way-back machine and take a gander.

DO THE VEGA-BOOGIE

No, seriously, you ought to do it now.

Hail to the Chief, He's the One We All say "Hail" to

They keep playing that song on tv, but all I can ever think of is "Hail to the Chief, He's the One We All say "Hail" to ..." Oh, "Dave," you are the mightiest of presidential earworm providers.

Oh happiest of happy days. So happy, in fact, that I shall share this photo with you:


This morning, I shot a show for the VH1 that will air sometime in the near(ish) future. To mark the awesomeness of today, I wore my most awesome shirt ever -- Obama Riding a Unicorn. It is the greatest shirt in the whole multiverse. Chris Bishop should be hailed, not as a Chief, per se, but as the best t-shirt designer ever. (Because prior to designing Obama Riding a Unicorn, he also designed "Afternoon Delight" featuring two humping unicorns in front of a rainbow, which used to be my favorite tee-shirt until I got the Obama Riding a Unicorn tee-shirt, which is now, of course, my very most favorite).

So, this is me! Post-shoot! Wearing my Obama Riding a Unicorn shirt. Happy Best January 20th ever.

Suddenly, Everything Makes So Much More Sense

Remember when Sue Simmons dropped the F-bomb on the teevee?

Suddenly, it all makes so much more sense:


The missing link!! Suddenly everything makes so much more sense!!! If I saw a polar bear dancing on a couch, with such supreme dance moves, I would react in the exact same way as Sue Simmons! I feel like the world shifted on its axis and then wobbled back into its typical position, at the exact same moment that I watched this for the first time.

Thank goodness for Jon Friedman and his amazing abilities to set everything straight.

All I want for Xmas is Jews

To all the goyim who love the yids ...

Would You Like to Swing on A Star?

Okay, so today is a poopy workday and I thought I'd take a 4-minute break and refresh myself by perusing Thinkgeek, which usually makes me feel a little bit better and also makes me want a clock that keeps time in binary, but today I found the most lovely thing: a moon in a jar!

So then I was like "a moon in a jar! Why is that so familiar?"

And then I found myself singing "Would you like to swing on a star, carry moonbeams home in a jar, and be better off than you are, or would you rather be on Earth?"

And then I was like, "What the frak is that from?" And then the little man in my brain somehow dredged up a long-forgotten memory of a sitcom that maybe aired after "Small Wonder" and featured a girl who was an alien and had special powers and could freeze time. At first, I thought I was only remembering some sort of cherished childhood dream, until I realized it ACTUALLY was a tv show, and it was called "Out of This World."

It's a REAL SHOW! And Scott Baio directed 11 episodes!

But then I was like, "Wait, isn't this an actual real oldsy-timesy song, like from before it was about 'would you rather be on Earth?" So I looked it up. And it's a Bing Crosby song from the 40s aaaaand ... it is SUCH A MEAN SONG!!!!

This entire song is so anti-mule! (and also anti-pig and anti-fish). The whole thing is asking you,
"Would you like to swing on a star
carry moonbeams home in a jar
and be better off than you are
or would you rather be a mule?" (or pig, or fish).

So, wait just a goll-darn minute. Why is this song so mule-ist and piggist and fishist? Why couldn't a mule swing on a star and carry moonbeams home in a jar? The mule would just need a mule-shaped spacesuit, the exact same thing a human would need if she were to swing on a star and carry moonbeams home in a jar. Same thing for the pig. And the fish, well, the fish would have it best of all! He could stay happily in his waterbowl (as long as the fishbowl is safely enclosed), and would just need a robotic arm for carrying home the moonbeams home in a jar. So I just don't get it. Why is it an either/or situation? I would like to swing on a star and carry moonbeams home in a jar, but I'm quite sure I could accomplish both activities were I a mule. Why has no one ever attacked this song before for being so needlessly cruel to mules? A mule should be able to grow up believing it can be anything it wants to be, except maybe a mule-mommy, although apparently some mules are fertile (contrary to popular belief).

So, what I'm saying is, be nice to mules. They have such velvety-soft noses. Look. Here is a photo of me feeding one. That is my patented feeding-the-mule face. It is copyrighted and everything.

Gentlemen, Start Your Tivo/DVR/Antiquated VCR

I'm pleased as very alcoholic punch to announce that a very special 1/2 hour tv show version of "Rock Band 2 the Stars" is airing on VH1 at 5:30pm on Thanksgiving, 11/27. It's just the thing to watch as you're drifting in and out of a tryptophan induced food coma.

So! Don't forget!

Thursday, 11/27 at 5:30pm! Only on VH1!

You can also catch the 1/2-hour tv special show on VH1 Classic:
Friday, 11/28 at 11pm!
Monday, 12/1 at 3:30 pm!
Friday, 12/5 at 2:30am!

I have Time Warner Cable and it comes up as "Rock Band 2" in my DVR list. The more you know!!!

The Grand Finale of Rock Band 2 the Stars

In the grand finale of "Rock Band 2 the Stars," Alice Cooper and First Blood face off against Sebastian Bach with A Vengeance at the legendary Viper Room. Only one band will reign supreme!

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What I Wish Justin Timberlake looked like during that Single Ladies sketch on SNL

Seriously. If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it.

A Brief Nattering of Thoughts on Grey's Anatomy

I was talking to my friend Lindsay at a wedding last weekend about how much we hate Grey's Anatomy, and yet we're still watching it. And after last week's episode, I'm not sure I can keep on keeping on with it. I mean, besides the opening monologues, which are such disgustingly masturbatory pieces of writing (eg: "As surgeons, we reach inside the human body and cut out the damaged parts, but, really, who reaches into us and cuts out our bad parts?") and now the fact that there's a perma-Denny-ghost who follows Izzie around. I will just say this:

this show will be off of my DVR list unless it turns out that Denny is actually a Cylon, a la the Six who is in Baltar's head. Seeing as Izzie followed the Navajo's advice (also, was that Navajo storyline PLUS the Asperger's storyline not vaguely offensive? And also made me miss Heather Kuzmich really badly) and burnt Denny's sweater and Denny is still around as ghost-Denny, then I'm thinking very strongly that Denny is actually a Cylon. Also, Madame President Roslyn as an Aspergery cardiac surgeon must be a not-so-subtle clue that Gr'anatomy is heading very quickly in Balactica territory. Please go back to being a President, Laura Roslyn! Cardiac surgeons on Grey's Anatomy have the worst careers ever -- they either make homophobic slurs off camera and get shit-canned or else they become lesbians that the network homophobically decides are too lesbionic for their show and they get shit-canned (even if they're the same person who once rubbed the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again). Please, President Roslyn, spare yourself before you meet the same fate.

Rock Band 2 The Stars - episode 5

It's up! And it's all about MAAAAAAAAKEOVERS! (Who doesn't love the makeover episode?)

Olbermann Takes on Prop 8. It's about LOVE. LOOOOOOOVE.

Gak, I love love love Keith Olbermann so much. His special comment tonight on the horrific hatred that is Prop 8 is a must-see for anyone with a heart:


(Read along!)

Scraps is Hypoallergenic AND a Mutt!

It's a lolbex!

And for the record, Scraps is perfect for the Obamas because this puppy will not trigger Malia's allergies, and is also a Mutt (of the Polish/Ukrainian variety).

Scraps Would Very Much Like to Be The Obamas' New Puppy

So, you know how sometimes you go to the So You Think You Can Dance live show and you get all excited about the world, and maybe earlier that day you tweeted that you'd like to throw your hat into the ring and be considered for the Obamas' new puppy? And then you get home from the SYTYCD tour, and you rode the path train by yourself because your friends had to leave early, and you were thinking about back in your early 20s when you, like, made stuff? And anyway, when you get home you log into facebook and all these people have made comments about your thing about wanting to be the Obamas' new puppy? I don't know. Maybe you paint your face like a dog and speak into your macbook. Or maybe that's just me.


O-mazingly awesome!

In Case You Weren't Quite Sure

Question: Can we be very drunk on Election Night and surge the streets and join the impromptu street party in front of the Obama storefront on 105th street and totally shut down Broadway with our awesomes and our "O-ba-ma" chanting?


Yes we can.

Episode 4 of "Rock Band 2 The Stars"

Featuring a superstar celebrity guest!

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Tweet Tweet Tweedely Deet

Oooh-ey, I am just back from pilates and boy is my back tired! No, really! It is. My back. It's tired. Not my arms, because I didn't just fly in from San Francisco. Thank you, tip your waitress.

So I very much enjoy Twitter, mostly because it's the best part of Facebook (the status updates) without the Vampire/Crush on You/Movie Quiz clutter. I guess I just like to know what other people are doing. It makes me feel connected. And we all need to feel connected, am I right ladies 'n' gendearms? Exactly. So, as testament to what is awesome about Twitter, and because it is almost midnight and I spent the night making Obama-themed snacks for tomorrow night's Election Watching of joy (right? Can I say that? Surely, it's going to happen? For the good? Great Scott, I can't even deal with it. Squeeeeeeeeeee) and I am just now enjoying a dinner of Soygurt and settling in to watch my tv (I watch SO MUCH TV! You'd never believe it if I told you! It is SO GREAT that I don't sleep!)and I was like "ooh, time to twitter!" (I guess you're supposed to say "time to tweet" but that makes me feel squirmy). And so, to testify as to why I like the twitter the oh so much, let me share this exchange (names changed from twitter names to actual first names, because, oddly enough, that guarantees anonymity! Say WHUT? I know. Googleability, ur doing it wrong!). Henceforth:

Bex: will not be able to sleep tonight. is this how the non-jews feel on Xmas eve (20 minutes ago)

Tom (in response): YES! (19 minutes ago)

Ben (in response to Tom's response): GAAAAAAA (17 minutes ago)

Bex (in response to Ben's response to Tom's response): egads! i suddenly grok all those Xmas cartoons & stopmotion tv shows. Good grief. I'll put out (soy) milk & cookies (15 minutes ago)

And then right after that, it's
BarackObama: Asking you to vote Nov. 4th. Visit http://VoteForChange.com, call 877-874-6226 or text VOTE to 62262 to find your polling locations

So. Yeah. Twitter. I loves it.

Get Out the Motherfrakking Vote

Greetings, to all ten of the 13-year old boys who read this blog. If you're over 18 and registered to vote, please tie a string around your finger so that you remember to vote tomorrow. If you don't vote for Obama, then I probably don't even want to speak to you again, so, hey, it's been real.

And if you do vote for Obama, then we'll remain friends.

If that's not enough to sway you moronic undecideds out there, then I don't know what you people are waiting for.

xoxox,
bex

PS:




This wallaby has a sad. The same sort of sad I will have if you do not vote for Obama.

Episode 3 of Rock Band 2 the Stars

Episode 3 of Rock Band 2 the Stars is now on the internets for your viewing pleasure! (And airing on VH1 Classic). I like this one a bunch. Woo woo!

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Dear Bex Winery, Please Sponsor Me

...and not in the 12-step sense of the word "sponsor," heh heh heh.

When I was in the Los Angeles for work this summer, I bought a bottle of Bex Riesling and kept it in my hotel room's minifridge (thank the stars for the screw top!) It was delightful. Just like me. (ha.) I, too, give way to fresh citrus, orange blossom and honeysuckle aromas.

Teehee. "Honeysuckle" sounds so dirrrrrty.