The Christmas song we wrote in our house

Sing to the tune of "Up on the Rooftop"

Food and snacks and snacks and treats!
Give me something more to eat!
I ate my cat food - yum yum yum!
But I want more in my tum (my)
My name is Panda - meow meow meow!
Give me more food; do it now!

Call Your Grandma

(the single jewish girl's version of Robyn's "Call Your Girlfriend")

Call your grandma
It's time you had the talk
Give your reasons
Say it's not her fault
But you are not dating a Jew!

Tell her not to get upset, second-guessing everything you said and done
And then when she gets upset tell her how you never meant to hurt no one
Then you tell her that the only thing you’d recommend

Is when she’ll learn to comprehend

That you won’t sign up for J-date, but she can pretend
And then you let her down easy

Call your grandma
It's time you had the talk
Give your reasons
Say it's not her fault
But you are not dating a Jew!

Dad Schwartz in the comics

I was having drinks with Corey and his lovely wife a few weeks ago and I learned that Kristen used to design and name socks after baseball players and I asked if she could request that someone name a sock after my father. Because my father’s one great wish in life, his one true desire, the thing he wants more than anything else in the world, is to somehow have a middle school named after him: The Robert Franklin Schwartz middle school. This goal comes up every few months or so when he muses about how he really just wants a middle school named after him. And he’s not about to donate millions of dollars (we do not have millions of dollars) to some school to get naming rights, and odds are slim that a town would name its middle school after the guy who designed their sewage treatment plant, so I thought maybe a sock would be the next best thing.

But Corey did one even better! He made my dad a character in his comic strip, The Elderberries! Look, there’s Dad Schwartz, revealing his lifelong dream. And just you wait because there are TWELVE DAYS OF DAD SCHWARTZ in the comics. If you see Corey this week, please give him a giant hug.