When I was 8, I was Weird Al Yankovic for Halloween. Seen here with my little brother, @Adamsthinking, wearing a Go-Bot costume. Just wanted to share.

"The Literary Whores of Thailand"

So, you guys know that Bangkok is seriously under water and the floods are really horrific across Thailand and it is bad news bears over there.

A good friend of mine has fled BKK for Pattaya, which is sort of known for being sex touristy, but also beachy! (I did not go there, because I was a lady traveling alone and being in a place know for sex tourism felt ick-icky to me) (also why I avoided Phuket). Anyway! He and his fiancee fled to Pattaya to avoid the monsoon floods affecting Bangkok, and he sent me this photo of a prostitute who beckoned him to her bar.

As Josh put it: Are there literary whores of Thailand?

My pal in Pattaya explained: “I got so excited when I saw that dress, and she had no problem with my taking a picture, and no clue at all who Jonathan Safran Foer is.  Someone, I’m guessing, just dug the font.”

Literary Whores of Thailand is my new band name.

In my head, there is a prostitute wearing a Jonathan Franzen “The Corrections” dress right across the street.

In some way or another, we are all just cats with our paws on the radiator, making clicking noises at the birds outside whom we will never be able to catch and devour.

Gregory House

Last night as I was coming back from JFK, my car took me past GREGORY HOUSE.

With all his legal drama and stuff, I can’t believe he has his own house!

* It is entirely possible that Lindsay is the only person who will get this.

ZOMBIES!

I am recapping The Walking Dead because I love zombies so very much.

Bear Skin Condoms

I have a TV tuned to vh1 in my office but I normally don't turn up the volume. But I had it on quietly in the background while I was writing a script. And there was a commercial for a new type of Trojan condoms. And I kept hearing the words "bear skin condoms."

Here, let me transcribe this spot for you:

v/o: (singing) Trojan Man!

v/o: Here in our labs, we're developing the latest in pleasure innovation! Bringing couples closer ... than ever before.

v/o: Trojan bear skin condoms! They're an amazing 40% thinner than our standard condoms!

v/o: For an irresistibly close experience!

annc: Trojan Bear Skin condoms. America's number one most trusted condom brand. Can't wait to get it on.

couple: Thanks, Trojan Man!

v/o: My pleasure.

And I was like: that is weird? To make condoms out of bear skin? I mean, I guess, I know there are sheepskin condoms for people who are allergic to latex? And the idea of that always felt sort of gross to me. I don't even wear leather. So I wouldn't want sheep skin inside of my vagina. It would be un-vegetarian and also sort of gross. So I kept on working.

And then the commercial came on again but I didn't look up and just sort of half-listened to it. So then I was like -- is bear skin super spermicidal? Does it prevent disease? And then I was like -- what if I ever have sex again and the dude is like "Hey, baby, I've got this new bear skin condom. It is 40% thinner than a typical condom! It will bring us closer together!"

And then I was thinking about what I would say and if I'd have to play the vegetarian card ("Even my wallet is vegan!") and how that argument would go ("But you're not eating bear skin, it will just be inside of your vagina") and I sort of spent way too long trying to come up with an argument against using a bear skin condom because if it really does feel that much better with bear skin, than maybe it would maybe be okay?

So then I decided to look up the bear skin condoms to see if there were reviews of them and if people were like "YES. Use the bear skin condoms. They are amazing! GROWL!" or if people were making bear skin puns like "Perfect for letting a man into your honeypot" or whatever.

And so. Oh.

Nevermind.

Picnic

Mr. Princess Prettypants Kittyface

My darling Panda Boo.