November 2nd Draws Nigh, But Not Soon Enough

Hi Ho, Kermit the Frog here. Remember in 3rd grade there was that joke about what’s green and smells like bacon? Kermie’s fingers.

I didn’t get it for many, many years – kinda the same way that I didn’t know what a blow job was til I was in sixth grade and had to pretend to laugh about jokes about them. Now I get it, and it was firmly explained to me that it was a misnomer because you don’t blow, you suck. Right.

So here’s what you should be watching on the current VH1 roster: all access awesomely badder girls, all access celeb showdown.

Here’s what you should be looking out for: awesomely bad songs of 2004, awesomely bad #1 songs ever, Britney Spears’ 20 Most Shocking Moments.

That’s me, with the chipmunk cheeks and a lot of eye makeup. Woo!

In other news, I’ll be participating in a Heeb Magazine storytelling event in December. And pick up the next Heeb as soon as it comes out for a pleasant surprise. Surprise!

I’m currently wishing I could hibernate for a few weeks; at least until allergy season is over and at least until November 2nd. The suspense is killing me. I’m such an optimist that I still believe that Amerika will wise up, that the evangelicals will listen to the facts, that the swing states will swing blue. The concept of a 2nd term with Bush makes me physically ill. So nauseated that I can’t even think about it, so it’s easier to imagine things working out for the better. And by ‘the better,’ I mean President John Kerry.

So here’s the question – what is the proper environment in which to watch election returns (not considering the high possibility of another recount situation)? In a party sitch, getting ready to celebrate as Kerry wins the electoral vote? Or in a ready-to-mourn situation, in case Bush gets re-elected? Thoughts?