Tuesday, January 11, 2005
On Spanking And Other Things ...
So I've just returned from taking a dear friend out for her birthday, where we consumed many, many carbs (I'm pre-menstrual, so anything goes) and drank more than our fairshare. We had a very intriguing discussion: my friend has recently had a sexual encounter with a guy who was into spanking and such. She was thrown off that on their first night together, he was so out-in-the-open about his needs. I was like, ZUG, GO FOR IT. Because, I mean, shit, haven't we all always wondered about that stuff? Like, I've held guys down and I've been held down, and I've always wondered if there was something in there somewhere that just might click and make it all make sense. So I told her, against the wisdom of her other friends, to go for it -- if she doesn't like the being-smacked-around thing, then at least she knows, FER SURE. She thought she was being a prude for not being taken in by his smackitude, although she admits she had great sex. I said, no, a prude doesn't have sex with someone immediately upon meeting him, so you're not a prude. But why not try it out? What if it totally clicks? Because, like, hair-pulling and butt-smacking are totally fun -- and what if you GO THERE with him and its awesome? How wondrous, and then you'd know that's what does it for you. I think we're too shy about saying what we want -- no one wants to be that demanding (at least in the beginning stages of the polyphonic spree) and no one really wants to think that, perhaps, there's more kink in one's psyche than one wants to admit. But, heck, I dated a guy who taught me that it was okay to talk in bed, to make noises and comments and suggestions, and that was GRIZZATE, although I'm still not totally comfy being all demanding and such, because I am a good jewish girl who just wants to please. But it would be rad to be with someone who was like HOT CHA, I WANT TO SPANK YOU, and then you'd just know. I know lots of people with kinks -- people who like to get their toenails cut down to the quick, people who like to be insulted and demeaned, people who like to wear doggy collars and drink out of water bowls. And, to each his own, and thank the stars. So why not feel that open? To say, i want to be fucked REALLY hard or I want you to recite Shakespeare sonnets or I want you to call me "Martha" or whatever it is -- let's all just be a bit more open about this stuff. Like, don't go down on me because I have my period, or don't touch me there because i'm insecure about my belly fat, or please don't bite my shoulders because it freaks me out -- and then you'd just know if you and your sexual partner were totally compatible and there wouldn't be any weirdness three months down the line when said partners says, "look, i really like you but I can't orgasm unless you're speaking Chinese" and then you'd be like, ZUG, I can't do that, or HECK, I like you so much I'll learn to do that. Anyhoo. I think the world would be a better place if we could be that open. And if people could pull my hair once in a while.
Posted by bex schwartz at 1:06 AM