Have you, or has anyone you know, ever tipped a cow?
For reals. We're looking for firsthand experiences, or secondhand experiences if you can vouch for the honesty of the person who told you the story about the time he or she once tipped a cow.
I mean, we're talking about a 1200 pound beast with a low center of gravity and really big hooves. We're just starting to doubt that anyone's ever done it.
We are not, however, condoning said behavior.
Hit us in the comments section with anecdotal evidence, please.
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Bex, here is a story for you :)
David the gnome was feeling very horny one day, and his wife wouldn't put out. In the gnome world, it's not right to beat a female or express great sexual desires. Thefore, David was in a pinch.
The front of his pants stretched out as long as the point of his hat. Gnomes were well endowed creatures. He couldn't just go out into public like that, not with his raging erection. How could he explain that to his neighbors?
David did what any gnome in his situation would do. He dropped his pants, and grabbed ahold of his enlarged shaft.
David moaned extacy at this feeling his hand was giving him. Being in a hurry, he spit into the palm of his, and then put it back on his gnomecock.
Up and down David worked the shaft, using his other hand to sometimes massage his balls, a practice he loved when his wife used. David's eyes rolled into the back of his head as his memebert throbbed and ebbed with his touch.
Love juice began flowing up David's tunnel of love.
He became aware that he was in the mood for something differetn, and took his thumb to his anus, and inserted it. A gnome was never supposed to do this! "FUCK 'EM!" David whispered to himself. David was tired of being a fuckin' goody too shoes.
He thought to himself "that's a bunch of damn Papa Smurf shit, and I sure as hell ain't no damn smurf. I shove my hat up his ass if I ever get a hold of him.
David thought of the blue skinned, blonde haired honey Smurfette. "Boy I'd like to put my gnome dick up in that blue cunt!" David thought of him sucking on her tits and her nipples responding to his mouth.
The thought began to be too much and just as David shot his load, his wife opended the door to their gnome hut. She gasped as David's man milk shot up to the ceiling. He saw the shocked expression on his wifes face.
If this had happended earlier, David would have killed himself in shame. David realized he now had no shame. That damn bitch! This was HER fault!
David walked up to her and began to slap her in the face repeatedly with his gnome dick.
"You fucking bitch!", David called her with each hit. His wife cowered before him. For the first time in his life, David was in control. No more fucking do-gooding, just good fucking!David smiled to himself as he had his wife lick his gnome cum off the floor. Degraded, he knew she would never tell the village what happended. David had plans for the village. He would take all the daughters hottie gnomes and MILFS
THE END
I've never done it myself, but a friend has a herd of cattle, so I think I'll ask him if he's ever been tempted to give it a go.
(tipping cows I mean. although it must be pretty lonely sometimes.....)
It has supposedly happened many times in my hometown of Oswego, NY - we certainly have enough cows - more bars than cows and more cows than people - but I have never actually seen it done. I think you're right - it's pretty suspect. But this comes from a girl who believed her father when he told her there was such a thing as "hill cows" who's legs were shorter on one side than the other. He told me that when I was 6. I didn't question it 'til I was 12.
Maybe somebody could try tipping Richard, though - to see if it really works? Oh - you said cows - not pigs. Duh!
- Carolyn
Bex liked my story, so fuck you Carolyn.
Actually, Richard, I hated your story with every fiber of my being.
Just out of curiosity, how seriously can you take a story about a masturbating gnome?
Considering the smut you pass off up here in the guise of humor, it seems it would be right up your alley Bex.
I fear for wading into a thread about gnomes and such...but I have in fact tipped a cow. (and not in the gnomish way indicated).
I went to a boarding high school in rural Idaho. I have in fact tipped two cows with more than a dozen accomplices/co-conspirators. The story involves angry bovines, teenage boys pinned in the mud under an angry cow, other teenage boys running headlong into a barbed wire fence, and angry facility managers of the University of Idaho - Veterinary Research Extension chasing said teenage boys through the mud and...other stuff...that one finds in a cow pasture.
Tipping cows is neither easy or safe...and frankly only the combination of boredom and stupidity that dwells in the heart of boarding school rich kids could lead to such an activity.
Cow tipping is, in fact, a cunning trap devised by the bovine savvy minds of rural kids who want to see city kids get the crap kicked out of them by a pissed-off milk cow.
The cows will tip over, but they will also get back up. And they will be PISSED.
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