Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Post Holidaze Musings

Hello, superfriends. I know that not all of you are fortunate enough to have a TV that's permanently tuned to VH1 blasting a mere two feet away from your heads at all times, but you should know that we're in the midst of an America's Next Top Model MEGA marathon which means we're showing all 7 cycles, nonstop, back to back. As I write this, it's 12:30ish on Wednesday and they're up to the Yaya/Eva cycle when they all first get to Japan. The MEGA marathon airs through Friday, so there are many more hours of elliptical-machine/model-watching to come.

And so! This morning, I shot a new All Access -- it's the latest iteration of "Celeb Showdown." I think it's the 4th celeb showdown in the series. At one point, I said that Matthew McConaughey will never be taken seriously as a real actor until he plays a retard. I totally didn't mean it like that. I meant, he'll never be taken seriously as a real actor until he plays Matt Damon.

And speaking of, have you seen Matt Damon's impersonation of McConaughhey (or, Mocon, as I like to call him): It's ter to the iffic.

Although, of course, we all know Matt Damon really sounds like this.

And so! Isn't 07 awesome so far? It's suspiciously warm out! And they're finally putting Gerald Ford in the ground! And Britney's in rehab already! And also, here are some things I learned about Christmas:
(Don't forget, my boo is of the Xtian persuasion and so, even though I may be a lowly Jew, I get to celebrate Christmas, which everyone knows is far superior to Hanukah, so I'm not even going to explain it).
1) The nativity scene is much better if you re-arrange it so that all the animals are clustered about the baby Jesus. So they can breathe on him and keep him warm. Also, so if baby jesus wakes up in the middle of the night, he can reach up and stroke the velvety soft nose of the donkey and be comforted.
2) soy nog is amazing if it's like 6 parts rum to 1 part soy nog.
3) Christians during Christmas are completely and utterly insane. Krazy Kristians! They have to buy so many presents and wrap them with bows and ribbons and decorations! And they listen to Xmas music 24/7! And they send EARNEST FUCKING CHRISTMAS CARDS featuring their entire families wearing matching outfits! Who are these people? These are the people who vote for American Idol, that's who. I could never send an earnest card for any occasion. Alas, I have the hipster Midas touch -- everything I touch turns sardonic.

No comments: