Friday, September 10, 2004


Happy Friday! It's just lovely today, is it not? It's such a happy day that there's simply nothing to do but the BADLANDS DANCE! HAPPY HAPPY! JOY JOY!

Great Scott! Jumping Jehosophat! You've never heard of the BADLANDS DANCE? Why, gee whiz, Mr. Wilson! It's somewhat similar to the HBO Dance, formerly my fave dance of joy.

WHAT? You mean to say you don't know the HBO Dance? Such tomfoolerly! Surely you jest! It's what happens when you go see a movie at Bryant Park and they play the HBO Feature Presentation song. And you start off crouching low to the ground until those first harp gliss things, and as the music swells and builds, you gradually raise yourself up to the sky, thrusting your arms high up in the air and waving 'em around like you just don't care. As the music reaches its crescendo and climaxes, you should be orgasming joy out from your very pores.

OKAY! Now, class, you're ready for the Advanced Dance of Joy, taught to me by one of my mostly-companions, Mr. Jay Golon.

"Lights out tonight / trouble in the heartland.
Got a head-on collision smashin' in my guts, man.
I'm caught in a cross fire that I don't understand."
// feel the beat, bob your head, uncross those arms, and get ready to rumble!//

"But there's one thing I know for sure, girl --"
// sing along with Bruce! //

"I don't give a damn for the same old played out scenes
I don't give a damn For just the in betweens
Honey, I want the heart, I want the soul
I want control right now!"
"(You better listen to me, baby!)"
// get those fists ready, ready, ready, readysteady, and now GOGOGOGOGO! Pump your fist rhythmically into the sky! Feel the surging power of the inherent frustration of life in the Dirty Jerz! And thrust! Thrust! Thrust! //

"talk about a dream!
Try to make it real
you wake up in the night
With a fear so real
Spend your life waiting
for a moment that just don't come
Well, don't waste your time waiting --"
//THROW ALL CAUTION TO THE WIND AND AND BOOGIE DOWN! And shout BADLANDS at the very tippy toppymost of your ever-lovin' lungs//

you gotta live it everyday, Let the broken hearts stand
As the price you've gotta pay.
We'll keep pushin' till it's understood and these badlands start treating us good"
//Back to thrusting fists, GO!//

"Workin' in the fields till you get your back burned
Workin' 'neath the wheel, till you get your facts learned
Baby I got my facts learned real good right now"
"You better get it straight darling:"

"Poor man wanna be rich, rich man wanna be king
And a king ain't satisfied till he rules everything"

//Sing along with Bruce, ya'll!//
"I wanna go out tonight, I wanna find out what I gaaaaawt"

// And THRUST. and THRUST. and THRUST. and THRUST. //

Well I believe in the love that you gave me
I believe in the love that you gave me
I believe in the faith that could save me
I believe in the hope and I pray that some day
It may raise me above these

BADLANDS (CHORUS) // Repeat chorus lyrics and choreography //

mmmmmmmm, mmmmm, mmmmmm //You best be humming or moaning or ooohing right now, bitch. //

SAXOMAPHONE SOLO! // While Clarence plays, shout out BIG MAN! BIG MAN! BIG MAN! //

mmmmm mmmmmm // This is more than just hum-moan-ooohing, you best be fucking harmonizing, yo. //


For the ones who had a notion,
a notion deep inside
That it ain't no sin
to be glad you're alive
I wanna find one face
that ain't looking through me
I wanna find one place,
I wanna spit in the face of these badlands


For advanced dancers: Shout "BADLANDS!" every time you enter a room, a subway car, an elevator, pass through a turnstile, greet your loved ones.


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