What if we all started using the word "mustard" in place of the non-office-email-appropriate "bastard," (Or, um, ahem, "b@$tard)? You are such a mustard! This project is such a mustard. I will finish up this mustard tomorrow, I have to go home now to watch CSI. Don't be such a mustard!
That way, we won't offend children who don't have married mommies and daddies (or married mommies & mommies or daddies & daddies).
I hate offending the children, yo.
But I love throwing the hate at babies!
Pardon me, do you have any grey poop-on?