Saturday, September 24, 2005

Shovin'

So were talking about our throwaway culture last night. About the process of collecting trash and where does the trash go? And where are the junkyards of yesterday, where you could go and find an old rocking horse or a refrigerator (don't hide in it!) or a washtub or a broken clarinet?

And, just the week, I was recalling my summers spent at Jew Camp, when at some point in the summer those of us who shoved (used tampons) would try to teach a nonshover how to use tampons. (The instruction: "this may sound gross, but don't wipe" weighed heavily in these tutorial sessions.) And back in the day, of course, we all used applicator tampons. We weren't going to touch our bodies in any way, shape, or form (and besides, we were bloody) so we kept a nice plastic barrier between our fingers and our ladyflowers.

And that got me thinking about how much those tampax pearlized plastic tampon inserter things make me crazy. Because they're superfluous! You don't need a non-recyclable, never-to-biodegrade applicator to shove that thing in -- you just use your finger!

That's why in my household, we advocate ob tampons. As we like to say, Ob tampons. For women who are cool with sticking their fingers into their vaginas.Because that's all you do! They're so easy to use! And there's no plastic detritus!

But I suppose the plastic-applicator-tampon users still aren't cool with sticking their fingers into their vaginas. Perhaps because we live in a society where the vagina is viewed as a dirty, smelly beast. A beast that should terrify us, because clearly, it smells like fish. Hence the need for deodorant tampons. Yick. If my hoohoo smelled like potpourri, I'd be a little freaked out.

And so. Stick your fingers into your vaginas, ladies! Think of it as doing your part for the country. Save the environment! And how about doing your part to help the country as it stays firmly mired in wartime? Oil's mad expensive and all sorts of shit is fucked up and now that those Gulf Coast refineries are down, just think about how much you're doing the country a favor by avoiding plastic tampon applicators -- why, you're saving the oil for worthy causes! No need to make plastic! Because when oil gets expensive, plastic follows suit! And think about how you can help the economy by avoiding superfluous plastic!

Yes, ladies. It's part of the war effort. It's like Rosie the Riveter! We can do it!

And, so: I present my newest suggestion for the Military's propaganda campaign:


tampons, originally uploaded by starbexxx.

5 comments:

timxx said...

Spoken like a true American!
Good stuff, Bex. Check out my page if you get a chance. We discuss all things Theatrical, and would be nice to have another NYC POV.
-x

Anonymous said...

Tampons Are Satan's Little Cotton Fingers!
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/60second/

bex said...

Yick. If my hoohoo smelled like potpourri, I'd be a little freaked out.
Thank you for putting hoohoo and potpourri together in the same sentence. That is not throw away prose.
thanks
j

bex said...

hey "j" - how'd you manage to post as me??????

Anonymous said...

"j" must be an 1337 h4xx0rz with the cDc.

http://www.microsoft.com/athome/security/children/kidtalk.mspx

http://www.cultdeadcow.com/