Fox 5's Weird Early Primetime lack of dayparting spoke in class today

There was an ad for the Dr. Oz show about having your best orgasm ever after age 40. On tv! Primetime! At 8:51pm. During "House!"  Surely there are a lot of kids who are watching tv between 8-9pm! And maybe they don't know what an orgasm is! Consider their minds to be blown. LIKE IN JEREMY.  (not really like in Jeremy. I was thinking about what it would be like to be 8 years old and watching tv with your parents and seeing this promo. And in my head, a sort of metaphorical Jeremything would happen). It's a metaphor! A metaphor for being 8 and seeing this promo and being like "say what now?"

I don't know. I was in the kitchen draining my edamame (not a euphemism) and I heard the tv talking about orgasms. I thought it was a wee bit early for that. But, I suppose, it's important for the children to know.

And this is a stupid remix thing but I made a minivow that I had to make whatever weird stupid video mashup thing went through my head, so, I made this. It is dumb. But I am entertained by it.

And I actually didn't watch it until 11:00pm because I timeshift all my television so forgive my delayed response.

This metaphor is an analogy for something that is not meant to be interpreted literally!

Favorite Twitter Exchange of Recent Memory

starbex: A haiku: "seltzer while in bed / Thirst-quenching! What could go wrong? / Spilled it down my shirt."

noahsam:  "But when seltzer spills / a paradoxical mess / for it cleans itself."

starbex: "the zen of seltzer / a spill, yet nothing ruined / just a wet tee shirt."

noahsam "dudes say, 'wet t-shirt: / not a mess, but a success!' / yay chauvinism!"

The Stars, The Moon - They Have Been All Been Blown Out

This is my new favorite song in the entire multiverse. Florence + The Machine, "Cosmic Love."
I am totally a year behind on this one but if you haven't heard this song and let it blow your mind (or just my mind, I am in a weird place), you should listen to it right now. (the rest of the album is amazing, too).

Or rather: if you want a direct link to my heart, it's probably via this song.

Puh Puh Puh Puh Platypus Puh Puh Puh Pokerface

 Puh Puh Platypus is my favorite thing of the day:

(credit to Popwatch/Margaret Lyons).

I can't sleep even though I am SO tired. So this happened:
Puh Puh Puh Puh Puh Pokerface Platypus:

Bear / Sloungewear

Just thought maybe you wanted to look at a bear wearing a sloungewear.
Remember sloungewear?

MONKEY COP.

MONKEY COP!
This is why I want to move to Thailand:

A Thai police force has begun taking a monkey dressed in officer's uniform on patrol each day to help improve relations with Muslim separatists.

 (hat tip to my brother Adam!)

 

 

Snurfle snurfle snurfle snurf snurf snurf

I am single and I have a lot of time on my hands. And apparently my new hobby is making sounds for animals that I think they ought to make. (You guys can stage an intervention at any point, really). So, in my head, I think that a goby fish climbing a waterfall would go "snurfle snurfle snurf snurf snurf!"



This one is for Joey who requested it after the mudskipper thing.

Mudskippers, Mudskippers, Fight Fight Fight!

This is how mudskippers fight.

Prisencolinensinainciusol

It is true that I can no longer get through the day without watching this.

Prisencolinen

sinainciusol

OLL RAIGH!




Great Scott. The backstory to Prisencolinensinainciusol is far greater than I ever imagined.

"Prisencolinensinainciusol" is a song composed by Adriano Celentano, and performed by Celentano and his wife, singer/actress-turned-record producer Claudia Mori. It was first released as a single on November 3, 1972, and later on his album Nostalrock. The lyrics are pure gibberish, often described as sounding like American English as heard by a non–English-speaker.

In an interview, Celentano explains that the song is about "incommunicability" because in modern times people are not able to communicate to each other anymore. He added the only word we need is prisencolinensinainciusol, which is supposed to stand for "universal love."

Celentano's rationale for the song was that, after releasing albums about ecology and social issues, "having just recorded an album of songs that meant something, I wanted to do something that meant nothing"

In modern times people are not able to communicate to each other anymore. Holy fucking shit, prisencolinensinainciusol. 


Also, can I get a what what for the fact that Celentano is also a vegetarian JUST LIKE ME?

... in which I Irrationally Want to Hurt a Character in a Commercial

This horrible horrible dreadful "don't talk to me until i've had my coffee" spot (for mcdonald's coffee! who is drinking mcdonald's coffee? No one who reads this blog, I can pretty much guarantee that) airs on VH1 all the time which means it is on the tv in my office every single day, drilling its way into my brain. And I have to say: I hate this character and also the actor who portrays him which such seething fury that if I ever encounter him in real life I will probably go all stabbytown on him.

Sux to Be You!

My dad has to spend 3 weeks a month in Sioux City. Did you know the airport code for Sioux City is SUX? They have a lot of gear about the SUX thing. This might be my favorite. It is horribly awfully wonderful.

edited to add: this one is also pretty horrible/fantastic.

Here There Be Bears

Remember when we learned that Arctic means BEARS HERE and Antarctic means NO BEARS HERE?
Some of us really like bears. So, here is a list of other things that have BEARS HERE.

Dentyne Ice Sugarless Gum, Arctic Chill

MotorStorm: Arctic Edge

Arctic Cooling Freezer 64 Pro Processor cooler

Power Wheels Arctic Cat Prowler

The North Face Women's Arctic Parka

Arctic Paws Salmon Bacon Soft N Chewy

Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not

 Arctic Splash Water Table

Einar's Arctic Freeze Hyper Hold Styling Gel

Arctic Air  Commercial Chest Freezer

Arctic Paws Omega MAINT Salmon Oil

If you buy these things, THERE WILL BE BEARS.
So, therefore, conversely, here is a list of things that DO NOT HAVE BEARS:

Antarctica Etah Eskimo Parka Byrd Expedition

Penguins Antarctic Emperor Penguin Cotton Tapestry Throw Blanket

Ice Scientist: Careers in the Frozen Antarctic

Antarctic Penguins Vinyl Shower Curtain

Those things will be boring and sans-bear, so do not buy them.

Happy Passover

This is what it says on the youtube thing:

Sometimes you have the world's worst sinus infection and you are going CRAZY with the pain and it hurts so much and you are taking all sorts of medicines and then at night when you try to go to sleep, this starts happening in your brain and also: happy passover.

And, honestly, I'm not like, totally insane, it's just that this sort of thing has been happening in my head because it hurts so much so I decided to exorcise the demon, so to speak, by just making the damn thing. Also, did I mention that I have the world's worst sinus infection? So i am stuffy. And in SO MUCH PAIN. I wish I could drill two holes, one under each eye, and put little buckets there like they do in Vermont to collect the maple syrup. Anyway. It's my Happy Passover card to you! Happy Passover.

I Love This So Much

This is the only thing getting me through the day. I am about to leave the office and go see my sinus specialist. She wears patterned tights. Last time I saw her, she raped my nose. She brought out this 3 foot snake thing and said she was going to put "just the tip" in my nose, and instead she totally raped my face. RAPED IN THE FACE. With an endoscope. Not really rape. Shut up, I am in so much pain. But you should watch this. It is joyous.


But -- this. THIS. This is the greatest thing I have ever seen.

via @JohnRoderick (thanks, Jrod!)

Chat Roulette Win!

Chat Roulette Win! This live piano-improv-song-as-commentary-whilst-chat-rouletting makes me happy like Jonathan Coulton's song about Flickr makes me laugh or like Stuckey and Murray's "Dramatic Song at the End of the TV Show" song makes me laugh. Also, I took some serious pain killers because I frakked up my back so maybe everything is just more funny than usual. And then I was walking back to my office from my mix and a pigeon flew into my hair and now I probably have bubonic plague.

Note: Chat Roulette Win because I only tried to Chat Roulette once and Lindsay and I put on costumes and then my camera on my laptop didn't work and it was so sad and was decidedly a Chat Roulette Fail... but if this guy Merton ever chat-roulette-sang to me, I would totally sing back.

oh! credit to @TheSquare!

YOU GOT CATTED!

The greatest thing in the world has happened. Somehow, overnight, someone, or someTHING, mysteriously decorated Scott’s cubicle with carefully chosen and artistically arranged photos of adorable, adorable kittens. They didn’t leave a note. They didn’t sign any of the photos or leave any sort of clue to indicate their intentions. All we know is a mysterious and anonymous person or smoke monster waited until everyone else left the office and then DECORATED SCOTT’S CUBICLE WITH ADORABLE KITTENS.
Is this a thing? Are people doing this around the office?
Because if it’s not officially a thing, can we make it a thing? When I first saw Scott’s cubicle I was like, “Dude, you got catted!”

I propose that we start catting people.

You can cat me next. I'm on the 21st floor.

... Which brings us to the theory of Continental Drift

In re: today's news that the earthquake in Chile moved the entire city of Concepcion ten feet to the west, perhaps one is thinking of Berkeley Breathed's prescience back in 1983 when he noted that the Earth sometimes quakes and shakes to realign America's political leanings. Here's hoping that quake in Turkey last night took us back to the left.

Where's the bear? He's the bear in sloungewear!

This is probably my favorite thing ever:

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

Fantasia for Real image spots on the other bloggy

I forgot to do it a million years ago before I went to Thailand, but I uploaded the Fantasia For Real image spots to the blog-about-things-that-i-direct.

I LOVE BEARS.

I love bears. Please, a bear, please hug me like this. (photo via my dad's facebook page and I have no idea why; I truly hope the girl in this photo is his cousin or something).