My Superfriend Joel Wants to do Nasty Things to this Coquettish Little Pony

GOLLY WEE WHILLIKERS! I can hardly believe it, but my ol' buddypal Joel is now the Informative, Authoritative Spokesperson for Motorola's Approach to Marketing what-the-Europeans-Call-"3G," even-though-once-they-called-it-W.A.P. and-once-they-called-it-UMTS

Don't believe me? En garde! The gauntlet is thrown! I met Joel in London but now he lives in Paris, so he's a theaterguy (ask him about "performing the world") and a sometimes media guy and an academic guy (photography and performance) Parisian with a Yorkshire accent. And he was telling us how he shot this thing for Motorola as the face of 3G. But he hadn't seen the final product yet. So we went to Motorola's webhome and discovered -- lo, and behold. Joel is totally Motorola's version of our 80s 3D "Hologram Guide" character. Please behold Joel's reign of Informative Authoritarian Face-of-3G Awesomeness. Make sure you click through all the options and listen to his very detailed spiel. And take the quiz! Especially if you answer incorrectly; he'll admonish you.

We took Joel's quiz, and then we took Kirk Cameron's quiz about god. We leaned an awful lot, particularly the fact that Kirk Cameron's god sure sounds like a real nasty sonofabitch. And we also realized Kirk must be an awesome proselytizer, because really, who's not going to let Mike Seaver into his or her home?

This photo features Mr. 3G Himself leering lasciviously at our engineer's My Little Pony.

joel loves the pony, originally uploaded by starbexxx.

We were struck dumb by how sexy this late-model My Little Pony is. Such widespread anime eyes! Such alluring curves! Such ... muscle definition and Yoga-esque tone?

Wait ... we all recalled the ponies of our youth ... the pleasantly plump, cutesypoo original ponies. And without warning, they evolved into new, sexysexy, supermodel, heroin chic ponies! Ack!

And, oh, how this new pony is such a sassy, little flirt!

And we are not the first to note the sexysexy aspect of the new My Little Ponies. The fineminded Lore Sjöberg from a website called "The Brunching Shuttlecocks"" offers the Porn Star or My Little Pony? quiz.

I took the quiz and failed, miserably. Mortifyingly wrong, considering a unicorn pony named Moondancer was once a cherished possession. Oh, Moondancer. How I miss you and all the fun times we shared, pretending to ride over rainbows with Pinky Jr., the gray kitty, and Rust, the teenytiny bunny.