Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Do the Urkel

We went to my old pal Liam's show last night -- it's called "Tell Your Friends" and it's every Monday at 8 at Lolita and you should go, especially because mojitos are cheap during happy hour.

Last Friday, I was working all night and my brain started to hurt so I momentarily distracted myself with an IM conversation with Liam. I present it in its entirety because it makes me happy. Pretend you're reading a screenplay or something.

Bex: i met rue mclanahan the other day, she was doing v/o at the audio house i was at
Liam: Are you shitting me?
Bex: for reals
Liam: You met Blanche Golden?
Bex: her skin looks like cardboard
Bex: the one and only blanche elizabeth devereaux
Liam: Really. She looks like she takes great care of herself
Bex: she does, i'm sure
Bex: but she be old
Bex: and liver spotted
Bex: with makeup, i'm sure she's smoking
Liam: You are an honorary gay man
Bex: i have been, ever since i launched Logo
Bex: and because i like sucking cock
Bex: hey-o!
Liam: Hey-O!
Liam: She was the slutty Golden Girl
Bex: she was the BEST golden girl
Liam: I always like Bea Arthur
Liam: To me, a little bea is never a bad thing
Bex: or her penis
Liam: She was the original Yenta the Matchmaker
Bex: she's a goddess, that one
Liam: Now played by Rosie O'Donnel on broadway
Bex: do you remember when she and urkel did the urkel?
Bex: on that awards show, in like 91?
Liam: I never followed Family Matters
Liam: No
Bex: it was the opening number
Liam: Jesus
Liam: Poor Bea Arthur
Bex: and they were singing "do the urkel, do the ur ur ur ur ur kel" and urkel and everyone was doing the urkel
Bex: and bea said, "but i don't wanna do the Urkel"
Bex: it was breath-taking
Liam: But she ended up doing the Urkel, didn't she?
Bex: sigh
Bex: i believe she did
Bex: at long last
Liam: Bex
Liam: There will come a day when we will all do the Urkel in one form or another
Liam: It's showbusiness
Bex: BUT I DON"T WANNA DO THE URKEL!

It's like Mike Doughty sometimes sings: "I don't need to walk around with Urkel."
And yet, we will all, in one way or another, end up doing the Urkel.

1 comment:

michael said...

FYI, Rosie O'Donnell is not playing Yente the Matchmaker in Fiddler, which was indeed originated by Bea Arthur. Rosie is playing Tevye's wife Golde, originated by the great Maria Karnilova.