We went to my old pal Liam's show last night -- it's called "Tell Your Friends" and it's every Monday at 8 at Lolita and you should go, especially because mojitos are cheap during happy hour.
Last Friday, I was working all night and my brain started to hurt so I momentarily distracted myself with an IM conversation with Liam. I present it in its entirety because it makes me happy. Pretend you're reading a screenplay or something.
Bex: i met rue mclanahan the other day, she was doing v/o at the audio house i was at
Liam: Are you shitting me?
Bex: for reals
Liam: You met Blanche Golden?
Bex: her skin looks like cardboard
Bex: the one and only blanche elizabeth devereaux
Liam: Really. She looks like she takes great care of herself
Bex: she does, i'm sure
Bex: but she be old
Bex: and liver spotted
Bex: with makeup, i'm sure she's smoking
Liam: You are an honorary gay man
Bex: i have been, ever since i launched Logo
Bex: and because i like sucking cock
Liam: She was the slutty Golden Girl
Bex: she was the BEST golden girl
Liam: I always like Bea Arthur
Liam: To me, a little bea is never a bad thing
Bex: or her penis
Liam: She was the original Yenta the Matchmaker
Bex: she's a goddess, that one
Liam: Now played by Rosie O'Donnel on broadway
Bex: do you remember when she and urkel did the urkel?
Bex: on that awards show, in like 91?
Liam: I never followed Family Matters
Bex: it was the opening number
Liam: Poor Bea Arthur
Bex: and they were singing "do the urkel, do the ur ur ur ur ur kel" and urkel and everyone was doing the urkel
Bex: and bea said, "but i don't wanna do the Urkel"
Bex: it was breath-taking
Liam: But she ended up doing the Urkel, didn't she?
Bex: i believe she did
Bex: at long last
Liam: There will come a day when we will all do the Urkel in one form or another
Liam: It's showbusiness
Bex: BUT I DON"T WANNA DO THE URKEL!
It's like Mike Doughty sometimes sings: "I don't need to walk around with Urkel."
And yet, we will all, in one way or another, end up doing the Urkel.