Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Look What I Found at the Place Where I Buy Vegetables

Mmm mmm, good! Cock soup! For when you're really gagging for it!

(Alas, it's made with pumpkin, to which I am quite allergic).

Monday, February 25, 2008

chicks and giggles - tuesday night, 2/26


Yo people. I have a show Tuesday night. Which is mildly scary because it is Monday at noon and I fear I have tonsillitis even though I don't have any tonsils. Creepy!

Here is the poop:

Tomorrow's Rad Show

"Thank you for being a friend! Travel down the road, but before you go back again, stop into Ochi's tomorrow night for a really fun lineup, some beers and no doubt some Oscar smack-talk. First timers include Chelsea White who is hilarious and adorable and Micia Mosely who is as accomplished as she is funny. And look - Bex Schwartz is back! Let's DO THIS...

Chicks and Giggles
Every Tuesday at 8 pm
Ochi’s Lounge at Comix
353 W. 14th Street (9th Ave.)
No cover, 1 item minimum.

February 26:

Eliza Faria-Santos (Comedy Central’s Fresh Faces)
Micia Mosely (She has a PhD!)
Anne Neczypor (LOL Tour)
Bex Schwartz (all over VH1)
Chelsea White (Knitting Factory)
Becky Yamamoto (UCB)

Hosted by Carolyn Castiglia (VH1)"

Monday, February 18, 2008

Pardon Me, Robin Antin?

Oh, Robin Antin! You've plumped your lips so full of collagen that I can't understand a single thing you say! When I was 9, I drank a bee! It was in my can of soda and I when I tipped my head back to drink, the bee flew out of the can and into my mouth and it stung me right on the tongue! And it hurt like the dickens! And my tongue swelled up! And was so very hurty! And I couldn't talk coherently! And that, Robin Antin, is exactly what you sound like when you try to talk.

Incidentally, those who know me know that I almost always drink using a straw. This is NOT because of the bee flying into my mouth situation! It is an entirely different compulsive behavior that is independent from the bee/mouth/ouchy incident. However, with newfound hindsight, I really do advocate straw-drinking as a very fabulous way to prevent bees from flying into one's mouth.

PS: I am down with GIRLICIOUS but I miss the premise of last year's incarnation when the girls were competing for a slot in the Pussycat Dolls (although: Asia who? Jigga what?) and sometimes a crew member or stagehand type would refer to the contestants as "pussykittens" and that is one my very most favorite neologisms of late.

Dance Party! Friday Night!

Hi you guys!
Guess what! You should come to our Mike Doughty Video benefit party. It's going to be awesome. Mike is DJ'ing. I will be there. Dancing my tailfeathers off. So please come!


Let's raise some money to pay for our music video! There will be wonderful music provided by your DJ, Mike Doughty! And there will be dancing! And standing around with the bopping of heads!

Friday, Feb 22, 10:30 pm
At the Knitting Factory (74 Leonard Street)
in the Old Office (downstairs from the Tap Bar)
Plus a donation box for those inclined to donate.
Starring: Your DJ, Mike Doughty

Want a tasty sample like those little cups of food they sometimes pass out on the street? Go to Dubious Luxury , the online home of DJ Mikey Dough.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Watch MSNBC Today at 4:30

For I, in my valentine's day splendor (I have really big hair!) will be discussing American Idol. Because, of course, I have watched all of Hollywood Week. Tune in, turn on, drop out!

In honor of Valentine's Day, I'd like to bring back the spot I did last year. Gar gar gar gar ... GARRRRR!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

CNN Headline News! Showbiz Tonight! 11pm! Featuring: Me!

Hi, pilgrims! I'll be talking the talk on "Showbiz Tonight" on CNN's Headline News at 11pm tonight. Set your tivo and/or divo!

I'll be discussing celebrity mishegoss, not Obama's sweep of the Potomac primaries and his surge in delegates. Although, to that I say:

You're all submitting lolbamacats to Yes We Can Has, right? Just checking.

Yes We Can!

I'm still obsessed with "Yes We Can Has," especially RIGHT NOW.


Note: [This is me tugging my ear to give credit for coining "delecats."]

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Blue Mouths!

So many blue tongues on Hollywood Week tonight! Were they eating blue raspberry blow-pops or drinking blue slurpees? I sure do hope Ryan will tell us. Because it is AWESOME that no one gargled or scraped their tongues before performing and they have blue tongues. Loves it!

Yes We Can Gets Our Bucket Back!

I made this. It is a dreaming Obamalolrus.

Getting Excited and Tingly Things

I don't know, man, I don't want to jinx anything or nuthin', but man, it's sort of exciting right now, isn't it? I mean, politically speaking -- of course. February is not necessarily the most outrageous month (although, woo! New Big Brother and Survivor!) (oh lord, I am a dork) but things are just so ... looking up? It's been a nasty slog through the past several years of being ashamed about my country's government and suffering through a general malaise of anger, frustration and stagnancy. But I'm feeling better. Obama, man. It would just be so damn exciting.

Now, look, I'm a hippie dippie type and I'm all sorts of peace and love and all that, but really, I'm frakking psyched, and not just because there's an Obamalolcat phenomenon. It just seems like under an Obama presidency, we really can expect things to change ... and to get better, and to be able to visit Europe without being ashamed of our nationality, because boy do they not like us so much over there (or anywhere, for that matter).

And, look, here's my main deal: it's just seemed sort of not so much fun to look into the future as of late. And I don't mean looking forward to flying cars and genetic rejuvenation or even my planned talk show that I intend to host when I've launched the first television station on the moon (and believe me, I think about that all. the. time). I mean just generally looking forward and trying to see an end of all this yuckyness. It's been tough to see through it.

And, here's the deal, I wrote my thesis in college about the need for a new form of self-expression when faced with a futureless existence, vis-a-vis the rise of the postmodern theater as a result of the hippies feeling so overcome by a lingering sense of atomic fear, so overwrought by being forced chronically to think the unthinkable, so over-exhausted by an all-pervasive sense of dread via mutually assured destruction that they just sort of tripped out a little bit because there was no end in sight. But they got all sorts of jazzed about McGovern and everyone was happy just for a little while and all of a sudden 18-year-olds could vote, and hey man, McGovern was their man. And they were REALLY EXCITED. And that's sort of how I feel right now.

(Full disclosure: I'm a little obsessed with the atomic era. And also while I was researching my thesis I got a really horrible flu and became so delerious and dehydrated that I hallucinated two people named Hipporabundia and Madagascar who told me that I had radiation sickness and I was therefore never going to recover, so, hey, I'm a little nuts).

But the no future thing -- the hippies became jaded when McGovern got trounced, and under the Nixon years, the activist types just got angry. And instead of blissing out to avoid thinking about a futureless existence , the punks just got angrier. From the Sex Pistols to Roxy Music, there's a lot of "no future" rhetoric and it sort of represented a nihilistic view about the fact that everyone thought we were all going to die.

And I'm not saying it's been that bad over the past 8 years, but it's been sort of similar, to a much less serious degree. I didn't grow up ducking and covering, and the Berlin Wall came down when I was eleven, so I've never really been 100% for real afraid of atomic destruction, recurring nightmares aside. But I have felt a shiver of "what's the use" because really, for a long while, it seemed like I was just angry all the time and eventually the anger faded to a disappointing sense of apathy, and really, who wants to be an apathetic slug. Although, to be sure, there's a line in R.E.M.'s "What's the Frequency, Kenneth," citing Richard Linklater who said "withdrawal in disgust is just the same as apathy," and who can blame anyone for being disgusted at the sheer shit that has gone down in DC for far too long?

So what I'm saying is this: right now, with Obama continuing to win primaries, and the whole democratic nomination seemingly way up in the air with a potentially good chance (i'm a hippie optimist, let's not forget) that Obama could get the nomination, it just doesn't seem so bad right now. I can actually possibly maybe even let myself think about the future, a future that theoretically will not at all suck. Yes we can has idealistic leanings right now, and that's sort of a really wonderfully exciting and tingly way to feel.

Monday, February 11, 2008


As Josh said, "This was inevitable." To which I add: Inevitable, and Awesome.


Where LOLcats rock the vote for Obama.

I think I'd like to submit a "diabeetus" one, because it'll tickle me pink.

But first, I made this one:

UPDATE: Noah made a diabeetus one, bless his everlovin' soul:

Thundercats, Hooooo!

I have been watching the Grammys, which really only require half-attention at most, and 1/3-attention during the gospel stuff, and I was thinking about Robot Chicken, which I love so much, because it is awesome, and I made this to be JUST LIKE THEM! (Also, ps: the thing at the end of the Grammys was just painful, huh?). Anyway. Behold, my homage to Robot Chicken:

Thundercats, Ho!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Grammy Musings Part Deux

Is Fergie preggie? She was onstage for such a long time, so awkwardly greeting Sir George Martin and son, and I'm not judging and maybe she ate a cheeseburger, which is fine, but did she look pregnant?

I love Tina Turner, but when she wears a silver jumpsuit and looks like the android version of Tina Turner, I'm wondering how I'm supposed to know that's really her and not an animatronic robot Tina Turner, because if there were robotic Tina Turners out there, I hope we'd be using them for the power of good.

I believe that Cher will outlast the nuclear winter.

When Beyonce was sitting on that chair at the beginning of her number, it was some really unfortunate thigh placement.

(this blog has just become a tumblr. Word).

On Cirque Du Soleil's "A Day in the Life" Routine on the Grammys

That was supposed to be a parody of itself, right?

Friday, February 08, 2008

Please Watch FREE RADIO Tonight at 9:30 on VH1!

Howdy, friends! Howdy, Howdy, Howdy! If you watch one show tonight at 9:30, it should be "Free Radio." And if you DVR one show at 9:30, it should be "Free Radio." And if you watch two shows tonight, you should probably watch last night's "Lost" so you can read the internet without spoiling it for yourself. Anyway. I've been working on the promos for Lance Krall's new show, "Free Radio," for a good long time now. And it's a funny show. You'll laugh. You'll be entertained. You'll be happy you postponed going out just to watch this show. For reals, I promise.

To whet your appetite and wet your whistles, enjoy this trailer. We call this a "supertrailer" around these parts because we enjoy inventing redundant terminology. But this trailer/teaser (whatevs) should float your boat. Play "name that celeb" and try to identify all the super famous people who are going to appear on the show!

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Super Tuesday

Since I don't care very much for sports (except Figure Skating, about which I care very, very deeply), I really wish Super Tuesday election returns were just like the superbowl, with commercials you really want to watch and a special performance by Tom Petty. Maybe in '12? Please?

Wiener Poopies for Jesus

As Noah said, "This is what local news was invented for."

This video is so very beautiful, I can't quite stand it. Mad props to Aaron and his internetting skills for finding it.

Monday, February 04, 2008

When Lemurs Go THX

Want want want want!

Friday, February 01, 2008

I'm doing the "Ritalin Readings" On Monday, 2/4

(Here is a blurb I ganked from Lindsay's blog)

Ritalin Readings is THIS MONDAY

This Monday, February 4, at 8 pm at The Slipper Room! We have the venue for the entire night so there will be a MIXER afterwards! Produced by Jon Friedman and hosted by Lindsay Robertson and Gabe Delahaye. This month's lineup:

Sarah Schaefer
John Sellers
Bex Schwartz
Jane Borden
Jason Roeder
Jon Friedman

Ritalin Readings
Monday, February 4th
The Slipper Room
167 Orchard St (at Stanton)

More info:
The reading series for people with short attention spans returns February 4th to The Slipper Room.

Party with us after the show!

"A Ritalin Reading last month was pure performance... Jokes about sex figured prominently into the routines. Most were closer to stand-up comedy than fiction." - The New York Times

"...the show successfully accomplished its stated goal of providing bite-sized morsels of high-grade entertainment goodness for the short attention span set. That is to say, it was fun, not boring." -

"A program jam-packed with humorous anecdotes related by guest writers/comedians in under four minutes." - Flavorpill

"With each reader only speaking for 4 minutes, even those with attention span problems will be able to sit still for long enough. It's fast, funny and definitely not for the sleepy." - Gothamis