Oh, my beloveds, especially my beloved men who are veggies: RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO EAT THE TOFU! Because, according to this wackjob, a DEVIL FOOD is turning our children into homosexuals. And what is that devil food, pray tell?
Because of it's estrogen-induced feminization properties.
Titter titter chortle chortle. Clearly, this is the most important news of the day, and I beg you to heed its warning. But, luckily? Soy sauce: okay. Tempeh: totally fine. Miso and natto? Check and check. Just watch that tofu, tigers. Or else your manhood might shrivel and turn into an orchid.