Oh No! My Poor, Poor Toe!

So, I'm going on the late, great over-postponed vacation of 06 in LESS THAN A WEEK, and I'm oh-so-excited. And I have so very many errands to before we leave (as in: buying a bathing suit that won't fall off and expose my breasts to the coral, the ever-important bikini wax, fixing my godawful feets, etc.) so I decided to get a pedicure today to save time during the week.

See, I have horrible feet. HORRIBLE. I barely have little toes at all, they're just useless nubbins of multiple-broken dweezils. And my second-to-littlest toes curl under. And my big toes are always calloused. So I try to diguise they're uglyness by keeping my toenails (the little bits of toenails I actually have) painted a vibrant shade of red. So that people will focus on the fuck-me red nail polish instead of the icky toes.

See? Like so:


But the careful observer will note a large bandage wrapped around my left big toe. And that's because when the pedicure woman was scrape scrape scraping off the callous on my big toe, she scraped a hole right into my foot. And it won't stop bleeding. And it hurts like a motherfucker. So I'm wondering if one can use the elliptical machine with just one foot.

There's no actual point to this post other than the fact that I'm bitching about my toe injury -- pain for beauty! Or, at least, pain for disguising-the-ugly-in-attempts-to-get-a-modicum-of-beauty.

Pedicure accidents are apparently quite common. And we all remember when Paula Abdul had to keep her arm in a sling because of a manicure incident. So, dear readers, all I can suggest is ask your pedicure woman if she's ever used the callous-scrapy-blade before. My pedicure woman was an apparent first-timer. And now I am gushing blood, not from my ladyflower, but from my toe. If only they made toe tampons. Le grand sigh, indeed.